The Common Room ~ Where bAdBlAcKGiRls Come to Play

Lamenting on 30...life, love & happiness

2011-07-26T20:46:00.005-04:00

ooooh, it's been awhile...

i just had very random thought about all the things we do surrounding this great "leap" to 30. friends make lists of "30 things to do before 30." i'm not judging; in fact, i spent the better part of last friday night helping my cuzzo develop hers.

so, in reflection, we can jump out of planes (i DO want to do this for 30, BTW), read 30 books (or a book a month, w/e) and place ourselves in all these risky situations, but so many of the people i've talked to about the risks they're willing to take don't involve matters of the heart...love, work, personal growth, etc. take me: i want to jump out of a plane (risky, much?), but i'm not nearly as willing to jump out there and be risky when it comes to love, work, etc. again, i ask you pardon my random musings...

i am, however, grateful for friends who push me out of the theoretical plane and make me take risks i wouldn't otherwise.

love ya'll. forreals.

-boogie

Four Women - Black Girls Rock

2010-12-07T11:09:00.000-05:00

We Collect Inspiration: Krishna

2010-12-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

"You see, Arjuna, everyone has a duty; we all have a duty, and your duty, Arjuna, as a warrior, is to engage in battle and fight. It's your job my dear friend. But with that said, you must never engage in action or battle while being attached to the outcome of that action. Winning or losing is not what matters, since that is up to God alone to decide. What matters is that you fulfill your duty with honor, dedication, and humility."

~Krishna, Bhagavad Gita

I said I'm single

2010-12-01T22:46:00.004-05:00

for my (single) ladies...enjoy! ;)

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Impossible Choices

2010-09-13T09:27:00.000-04:00

*minor spoilers ahoy*

“Learn well Jake Sully. Then we will see if your insanity can be cured.”

~Mo’at, Avatar (2010)

Overwhelmed with the need to write about Wench, I began this post on my iPod Touch notepad, on a flight from from New Orleans to Chicago. New Orleans, a city where, once upon a time, “wench” meant, as Dolen notes, “a black or colored female servant; a negress” but also where the ritual of sexual access, sexual labor, property in human bodies, domination and re/production ground to its ultimate conclusion. By the antebellum period, New Orleans hosted the largest slave market in the continental United States, an attendant continent-wide sexual traffick in “fancy” girls or light-skined female slaves, and le plaçage, a sophisticated social apparatus which paired affluent white men with local free women of color as consorts.

For years, the ghosts of slavery walked the bend of the Mississippi, whispered from the balconies of the Vieux Carré and slipped up through the steamy cement in Uptown or Marigny (they still do even though Katrina washed many into the waiting arms of their kindred at the bottom of the Gulf). I finished Part One in this context, on a weekday and in one swoop.

Afterwards, I forced myself to take a break. It was tempting to keep going because it was easy to look, hope and pray for the happy ending. But if Dolen continues to tell a story true to American history, or true to black women’s relationship to said history, then a happy ending may be long in coming.

There is a scene of visceral brutality near the end of Part One. Normally, I remember these scenes for the pose they strike within a story, the carmine brutality my mind plays and replays over and over. When this happens, the cerebral vanishes and I find it difficult to recall emotion or personality. I feel dizzy, a heavy pressure at the crown of my head. Or I want to vomit.

But I don't remember this scene for that. The physical reaction remained, yes. But under Dolen’s careful and unassuming hand, the violence of the encounter became less about the contours of a particular moment and more about the impossible choices women as slaves, as mothers, as raced bodies, as workers and as lovers, were/are forced to make over the course of their lives. Instead, the betrayal erecting the scene took my breath away as much as the result--the terrifying and impressive power of a slaveowner's retribution.

That power being necessary to maintain a system--in this case slavery--against the daily permutations of resistance and rebellion enacted against it--breaking dishes, brewing love potions, running away--but which seen in its raw form is still shocking. And effective. I empathized with Lizzie. I know that she weighed every move she made against the threat of violence against her light-skinned son and daughter back in the South. But a part of me also felt deeply for Mawu and affirmed her desperate fight to escape the regime before her stamina for resistance faded. And I know I may never forgive Lizzie for her betrayal. But I will want to. To choose your owner, your lover, the father of your children over your colleague, your sister, your friend...but don’t some of us do that every single minute of every day without feeling any need to justify it? That slavery as a legal institution in the United States ended in 1865 is beside the point. Segregation ended as a legal institution in the United States in 1964. And a contract, a law, a signed piece of paper does not unravel centuries of customary relations between white and black, male and female, mother and father and child.

Just as New Orleans “stank of the arousal of rape,” an aroma resplendent throughout the institution and which climaxed within the city's boundaries, so does the history of slavery unpack our current gender relations, sexual relations, color politics; strip us bare, naked, and raw; break the fetish down into its constituent parts--bone, teeth, hair, blood, earth. Dolen’s Wench reminds us that sex across and within color lines is never devoid of politics, never left to some amorphous feeling called love. And kinship is work, forged against all odds to save your own life because the consequence of failure is brilliant in its savagery. Love itself is political, is contested and is a battlefield.

X-Posted at Nunez Daughter

"Midday" Distraction: Remember the (wack) Times?

2010-09-08T16:03:00.006-04:00

so, I was hella tired and mildly frustrated at work today so I went for a little internet fun (DSW is having a KILLER sale right now, FYI)...i digress.

so, i go to FB, which leads me to WUSTL's Student Life "StudLife" online publication. I run across this and article and I DIE!

Ok, first of all why is the "news" of the day (or week for that matter) some upperclassmen "sneaking" into Club 40. Now for those of you affiliated with WUSTL, but whose memory has seen greener pastures, "Club 40" is the outdoor dance party for Freshman under the S40's clock.

Among the concerns: running out of root-beer from the 3 "kegs" provided (typically there are only 2); the presence of open containers (on a veeery wet campus); inappropriate behavior.

#only@wackWUSTL

oh the memories!

*muah!*

"It's Complicated"

2010-08-25T20:34:00.010-04:00

so, i, the long-term happily single one, has decided being "in like" sucks. i mean, think about it, being "in like" complicates everything. well, not everything (oh, stop, you know me, i'm prone to exaggeration), but a lot. for example...

...you spend all of your (previously) free time trying to figure out if s/he likes you, how much s/he likes you, how much longer before you give up the goodies, if you should offer to pay for tonight's date, if you should tell her/him that you really don't care for soy lattes, in fact, you're okay with consuming cow's milk in several varieties (therefore soy dream ice cream is unnecessary), wondering when you'll be introduced to her/his friends, if it's okay to mark your territory at her/his apartment, how to tell the cutie at the gym/grocer/school you're taken (wait, are you?!), trying to decipher what "dating exclusively" and other bullshit terms mean...i digress...

i mean, REALLY?! i'm calling bullshit. it's overrated.

boogie...longing for the simpler life (and taking suggestions on how to get it back)

101. Dozens, "Blacktags" and Other Ish Black People Do

2010-08-11T17:27:00.001-04:00

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to report that black people use twitter.

*gasp*

Yes, chile. And their use of twitter is so fascinating that some white folks even stay up late at night to peer into the heart of darkness and chuckle at the witticisms of these little nigs Negroes blacks and enjoy their “hilarious, bizarre or profane” midnight dances conversations into the wee hours of the morning.

*sigh*

I hope that paragraph above does all the work it needs to. I hope it shows how misguided Farhad Manjoo and the editors at Slate were to even post such an ill-informed and nineteenth-century-esque article. If it doesn’t then find your way over to Because, Really, the Black Snob or Instant Vintage for a much longer, funnier breakdown (@innyvinny even has a gallery of black twitter birds for your cutting, pasting and posting pleasure--see mine?).

If and when you read it, I hope the problems with the Slate article are more obvious to you than to @fmanjoo--problems like monolithic blackness, the rap-circa-2001-generically-brown twitterbird, the preoccupation with stats say nothing but do their best to mystify something very simple: that “black people are online:”

“Yet much like discovering a country where people are already living, anytime the mainstream picks up on something that black people have been doing since forever (wasting time on the internet, shooting the shit like everyone else) it is supposed to be indicative of some larger, big, mysterious thing.”

Turn your clinical digital spotlight upon me! Make me visible and by doing so make me real! Ahh! The power of the mainstream (which you could also read as white or as emanating from a legacy of whiteness and white privilege although Farhad himself is not white) gaze!

But I'm not writing to jump into the internet swarm that is headed straight for Farhad’s twitterfeed and Facebook page. I’m anti-swarming (peace and love, yall, peace and love). And I'm upset not at the piece itself but at the way its existence obscures and butchers a phenomenon that deserves a lot more attention--and a historical eye.

After all, why does the hashtag fun that occurs throughout the day--not just late at night, jeez talk about fantasies of the exotic--vibrate with a kind of diasporic and urban blackness even though the hashtags themselves are fairly innocuous (his examples included things like #annoyingquestion and #ilaugheverytime)? And why do ALL TYPES and so many people participate? You wouldn't know that from the Slate article because there is no sense of diversity so there is no reason to question why that diversity exists. In fact, I'd wager Farhad’s most obvious #racefail is that he uses a monolithic blackness that obscures differences within the United States (let’s throw out some of the common dichotomies and even these are stupid simplistic and bound to be ripped apart by any given twitter including myself: urban vs. rural, young vs. old, blitterati Root writers vs. 2dopeboyz music pirates) while at the same time perpetuating and obscuring differences across global blackness. Even his first example (#wordsthatleadtotrouble) crosses the Atlantic at least once before hitting trending status and this gets barely a mention--it’s all put under the heading of “blacktag.” Because, ya know, we all the same in this piece.

What if we did? What would be a more sensible explanation or context to place the twitter hashtag game in than the one where all black people around the world are up late at night (one timezone yall) to go in on twitter? Maybe something that consider the global aesthetics of hip hop--which at this point is decidedly not limited to either the hip hop industry or people of the brown persuasion? Or the global politics of sex (which for me leads down the road of thinking about race but need not do the same for everyone)? Especially considering the examples he choose to use and his emphasis on the nastiness of it all. Or why not consider how twitter and other social media has created a public sphere, town hall AND insurgent lingua franca which people of ALL ages use to give voice to their own sexual agency, make political commentary and...oh wait, be social?

But I’ll admit, even these questions still shy away from the truly afro-diasporic resonance of the hashtag. And I don’t have the stats to “prove” that there are or aren’t legions of faceless and nameless black people using the hashtag late at night in creative and lurid ways so I won't try. Still, a little bit of cultural literacy might have gotten Slate to the underlying--and much more interesting--query of why a social media like twitter might intersect very nicely with black expressive culture writ large.

Old wine = blues, jazz, street slang, jive, playing the dozens, 16 bars

New bottles = 140 characters, a worldwide audience, a hashtag to keep the beat

Zora Neale Hurston, while doing research in the 1920s era South, described what was called “playing the dozens”:

“...which also is a way of saying low-rate your enemy’s ancestors and him, down to the present moment for reference, and then go into his future as far as your imagination leads you. But if you have no faith in your personal courage and confidence in your arsenal, don’t try it. It is a risky pleasure.”

And Robin Kelley, doing the damn thing, wrote:

“We are, after all, talking about cultures that valued imagination, improvisation, and verbal agility, from storytelling, preaching, and singing to toasting and the dozens.”

Storytelling as getting over, quips as verbal warfare, rhythmic and poly-rhythmic improvisational wordplay that has survived since SLAVERY in one form or another and has created one of the most controversial and lucrative industries in the world--besides helping generations of blacks survive the worst of the worst of the worst.

Are we surprised that it manifested again, with twitter hashtags as the clave? Well, I’m not. And I won’t be surprised when, now that the creative work of blackness has gone mainstream to the point of being RE-NAMED the “blacktag” (oh how clever), the creative juice that powers our (read: diasporic, global black Nanny maroon there if you wanna) resistance and survival re-emerges in a new form. On Tumblr perhaps? Doing its thing until the next enterprising traveler anthropologist scientist mainstream blogger or reporter decides to turn a corner down an alley they imagined in their head and see what the culluds is up to.

The fact that Farhad couldn’t see anything interesting in the hashtag phenomenon beyond its edgy sexual politics and the brown-faced twitter icons is frustrating beyond measure. His piece reeked of a kind of voyeuristic elitism and itinerant fascination that is better left in the 1920s. Especially considering there is nothing in this post that couldn’t be found online (even the quotes are courtesy of Google Books).

But ya know, that’s fine. That’s cool. After all, as Sheila Walker writes in “Are You Hip to the Jive? (Re)Writing/Righting the Pan-American Discourse:”

“Are you hip to the jive?” was a question I often heard my father, James Walker, and his friends ask when I was growing up in New Jersey. They were questioning whether or not you really understood what was really happening, as distinguished from what you only thought you understood about what might only appear to be happening--from the simplest to the most profound meanings of that understanding.”

The power of perception may not be wholly in our hands. Farhad’s piece is already circulating on twitter and along the interwebs as a work of “serious” journalism (must be all those pesky stats). But we can still release the pressure and have a nice, hearty laugh, Ellegua/Masking Sambo style, at his expense. #ifyouainthip #youainthip bruh.

X-Posted at Nuñez Daughter

Vote for Gulf Coast Reporting Labs!

2010-08-03T11:00:00.001-04:00

Over at PBS NewsHous, our buddy Imani Cheers is part of this project which is competing for funding via the Pepsi Refresh Project:

How is the Gulf oil spill affecting young people? What are some compelling stories that will keep people informed of what is happening in Gulf communities after the news of the spill drops off the front page?
NewsHour Extra is applying for this grant in order to fund a core group of student journalists in the Gulf Coast region of the U.S. to report on the effects of the oil disaster.
Our Student Reporting Labs connect high school students to public media mentors, who teach them how to identify, investigate, report and synthesize information, using journalism as an innovative form of purposeful learning.
These reports will bring to light untold stories, and engage youth around the world to keep track of the oil spill and reflect on the lessons presented by the catastrophe. The students who participate will become problem-solving, critical-thinking and concerned citizens, as will the millions of people who watch their stories.

Here's some video from the gallery. Support, support, support! Vote here!

The Obligatory Menstrual Post (or “The Diva Cup, Race and Blood”)

2010-07-26T12:21:00.001-04:00

X-Posted at Nunez Daughter

I'm cranky. I'm horny. I'm bloated. And I'm fatigued.

It's period time.

Yeah I said it. I'm on my period. Let the blood flow.

There's clearly nothing very cerebral here. Really. I just wanted to make that announcement. But I guess my point is why NOT make that announcement? One-half (this is unofficial, give or take to factor in kids) of the human population goes through a week of estrogen cartwheels every month. Sometimes two weeks. Sometimes to the point of becoming severly depressed or having debilitating physical symptoms like intense cramps. And yet we're expected to walk around like everything is okay. Like today is just another work day.

I call bullshit. I'm not amused by the jumping jacks going on inside my body right now. I'd like it to go back to being cool, calm and familiar. And all I really want to do is take care of myself this week: run, sleep, do yoga, dance, meditate, whatever. Believe me, if you gave me a week off to do that, imagine how much more productive, happy, healthy and whole I would be once I got back to work?

In any case, the second part of my announcement is more fun. I am not only my period...

*drumroll*

...I am also using the Diva Cup!

Yeah. I'm a feminist. But I have been slacking on my commitment to women's health. By slacking I mean that I know that abortion is a right, abstinence is a perfectly legitimate choice but not good public policy, AIDS is an epidemic and we have yet to respect or understand the psychological and sociological impact of domestic violence, rape and sexual assault on our society seeing as 1 in 3 women around us have experience it (yeah. look around you. count it up. one-third of the women in the room are survivors). Given all of the above, I thought I was pretty well-informed.

Until my housemate schooled me on a few dirty little facts about the sketchy safety of long-term use of birth control pills, how you actually GET toxic shock syndrome (friction from the cotton in tampons causes tiny cuts in the vaginal walls and the TSS comes from the infection caused when that cotton gets stuck there--wtf???), how even if you don't get TSS the bleach used in the cotton is going right into your bloodstream...

In the meantime, I'd also heard about the Diva Cup before but I wasn't quite primed to take the plunge [Note: This is a link to a post on Feministe in case you are currently boycotting them for their unremitting race/class/sexuality issues. The post is on menstrual blood but there's a very instructive discussion in the comments on the Diva Cup and other alternatives to industrial tampons and pads].

But my housemate was taking her sister to the "crunchy store" to get her a Diva Cup so I tagged along. It looked so tame! It also cost 40 bucks but the cup will hold for 12 hours (compare to the 8 max of a super tampon) and the cup itself lasts several years (the saleslady let us know that you are supposed to chuck them every couple of years but they only say that so they don't go out of business). You just boil it for five minutes after your period and tuck it in the little sack until the next month. You aren't supposed to use it if you've delivered a child through the vaginal canal (as opposed to C-section) but they also suggested you consult your physician and there is plenty of information to sift through in the FAQs on the site

Well today is Day One on the Diva Cup so here is the real deal so far. It was a bitch to put in and I chalk that up to my own ignorance about how my girly parts work. Even though the instructions said to fold the cup and insert it horizontally, I kept trying insert it vertically. I couldn't wrap my mind around the geography down there. Which just made me feel salty because I am supposed to know how to walk around my own block! Talk about socially constructed hang-ups. I also expected it to be as easy as a tampon, in the sense that you just slip it in and it does what it is supposed to do. But you also need to turn it to get the cup to unfold and "seal" around the canal. Let me tell you, chile, just doing that--unfolding and pushing aside this, inserting a finger here, turning that, twisting my body around to figure out what was happening where, freaking out when I thought I'd "lost it" in there then realizing that this is patently impossible since it is so soft all you do is insert a finger alongside it and coax it out which made me laugh out loud at my minor panic--taught me more about my own body than I ever learned in 6th grade sex-ed.

Which was probably the best part of the damn experience. It was a sweaty, fun, frustrating and triumphant time.

I finally got it to seal only after I gave up on th idea that I ever had any idea where things were down there and followed the damn directions. And it felt great. Better than a tampon because I didn't feel that scratchy string and I don't have to worry about counting hours before pulling it out. I might have forgotten that it was there except that I'm writing this post. It is that comfortable.

Of course...removing it will be a new adventure. But if I measure how much I like the Diva Cup by how much more comfortable I am (and empoweredI feel) I'd call it a win.

So why didn't I know about it before? Which brings me back to the beginning of this post--why NOT discuss these things? Why isn't this kind of information widely disseminated? I was stunned to read on the box that the Diva Cup has been around for some 70 years. I could have learned about this in 6th grade sex-ed or at least in high school at some point. Of course, if I had, would I have been as comfortable with the idea of something so tactile? Touch the cup, touch myself, touch blood--all things we are taught as little girls not to do. We are dirty, smelly, sweaty. Blood is dirty, smelly sweaty. None of this makes even the idea of a Diva Cup very attractive; I mean I turned off myself when I first read about it.

I'm going to keep it Sherrod right here and just admit it: I put the Diva Cup in the category of feminist-shit-that-only-white-women-do.

But, um, I don't know about you, but I'm not dirty or smelly or sweaty. Sweat isn't even dirty or smelly. Blood isn't dirty or smelly or sweaty either. Not even menstural blood. It is just blood. And considering the industrial strength soap we buy at CVS, believe me, it washes off the hands.

bell hooks has a great piece (I can't find the citation, please bless me with if you know what I'm talking about) about African American women, how comfortable we are with our bodies AND our bodily fluids and systemic racism which conspiraces to make us feel dirty, sweaty and smelly regardless of how many showers a day we take. The point being that from slavery, one of the undercurrents in our culture have been how disgusting we are even as that same sweat and dirt (the result of hours upon hours of field labor, mind you) left us vulnerable to the hyper-sexualizing gaze of white society, white men in particular.

Our own comfort with our bodies, like everything else, is political. It is part of how we survive in this world. Just trying the Diva Cup and seeing it as an adventure, for me, was a win on the side of righting wrongs a few centuries old. Discussing it with you here was another.

We Collect Inspiration: Phoenix Savage

2010-07-24T11:22:00.001-04:00

"I was in New Orleans before the storm and I had this body of work based
on Aunt Jemima but it was castings that I had down of women in my
community when I lived in Nashville and the work ended up in New Orleans
with me and I had to leave the work behind and I moved but the work was
made out of plaster so it got destroyed in the storm and that’s what
lead me to the casting because I felt so vulnerable from that
destruction and I felt like I wanted to work in a way where my work was
indestructible.” Savage’s desire for preservation lead to her new
practice of cast iron sculpture however the implication of preservation
extends beyond the physical. ” Casting is very difficult, it’s very time
consuming and casting iron is more difficult, more time consuming than
casting bronze or other metals and most people don’t like it because
it’s iron so you don’t get that same glory feeling from it but the iron
is who I am as a black person.”

via Zora & Alice. Read the rest.

Sexual Violence at HBCUs (Part 2)

2010-07-19T12:00:00.003-04:00

Things You Should Read/Watch:

via New Black Man

Music Moment: Why Don't You Love Me?

2010-07-19T11:03:00.000-04:00

So fun that there is this post and video following the last post and video, even if there's a lag of a month or so....

ps. I love me some Bey but beyond that seems like there is some flawed myth of the Superwoman here that might be interesting.

"I want to fall in love again"

2010-05-28T23:23:00.001-04:00

In the fall of 2001, I said to a friend in conversation that I wanted to fall in love again. Neither of us remember the context of that statement but the pure emotion of the statement stuck with her. It was the theme of my Christmas gift that year. It's now approaching nine years since that conversation and I have yet to fall in love again. I don't know quite how I feel about that. I'm not sad nor do I feel like I've missed out on anything in the last nine years but that feeling is definitely with me right now. So as I seek to love again, I'm reflecting on what love was to me.

Love was...

being listened to.
being loved.
being seen for my best, even in my worst moments.
problem solving.
encouragement.
safety and security.
being a priority.
feeling beautiful.
being cared for.
great kisses.
hugs that made everything better.
understanding my struggles.
wiping away my tears.
butterflies.
smiling at the mentioning of a name.
silly nicknames.
feeling invincible.
wanting to share my darkest secret.
wanting to trust.
hoping for forever.
the desire to reciprocate.

I have to say, at 28, love doesn't look much different than it did at 19. The difference is that I know I can get all of these things (except the great kisses) from my friends and, most importantly, from myself. The last nine years have been full of new beginnings, lessons, and growth. I've been building a foundation that will support me so that the next time I do fall in love, it will feel more like a treat than...

oxygen.

We Collect Inspiration: Tamara Natalie Madden

2010-05-27T22:51:00.001-04:00

via Black Girls Rock:

Black Girls Rock: What has been your greatest challenge in your career?
Tamara: The sacrifice. Being an artist requires a lot of sacrifice. It requires patience, and faith. It can be a challenging journey with lots of bumps along the way. Unfortunately, in the art world, I’m not just considered an artist; I am ‘black’, then ‘woman’, then ‘artist.’ All of those titles present there own unique set of obstacles. In addition, to trying to meander my way through the visual art world, while being taken seriously, and not loosing my integrity; I have to be an educator. It’s essential that the new generation of black children learn about the arts, and the value of the arts. They need to understand that art is an investment, which will benefit them for many generations. They also need to know that art is the keeper of history in many cases; it’s an essential doorway to their ancestors.

Read the rest....

The REAL Crisis in the Black (Female) Community

2010-05-26T10:09:00.000-04:00

So. Me and IC were choppin it up last night and we ended up talking about boys. To be precise, we ended up talking about women who talk about boys, or partners, or marriage or relationships or all of the above. And I remarked on how I end up in one of these conversations with every black woman in my life: the Little Sistren (both Little and Littlest), the linesisters and the prophytes, Flava, bad black girls, the academic Fam, random twitterers. Which can be fun but lately has gotten frustrating. Aren't we all successful, enterprising, creative and beautiful women who are doing a PLETHORA of other things outside of the (romantic) men in our lives? Aren't we engaged in politics and art and education? Hell, aren't some of us readies and foodies and music or entertainment heads? So why does it seem like we end up in these conversations over and over--or complaining about these conversations (yes, I am a case in point).

Is it the crisis of the Disney Princess Generation entering its 30s? At which point IC broke it down for me. To paraphrase:

It is like we feel like something missing or we are unsatisfied or unfulfilled. And instead of of focusing on correcting that or resolving ourselves, we decide that what is missing is a relationship. So we fixate on that and decide that is what is missing and that is going to fill what is unfulfilled.

I know we keep saying stuff like this, but it is still true and still a good reminder. This is probably why Tayari Jones post on "Penvy" resonated so much with me. Read it but the best line is:

"When I say get to work, I'm saying get back to you."

I'm not having a 30s crisis yet--I think. But I am starting to get that antzy feeling--that "get to work" feeling--where I'm ready to get it poppin. Shake things up. Start a new project. Six months ago, I identified that feeling with Mr. but recent events put me in a position to think twice about that. I don't think it was him. I think it is this transition into a new phase of life and figuring out what the new adventure is going to be. Is it back to D.C. to do youth activism and rape crisis work? Is it to Chicago to education work? Is it France to work with recent immigrants? Senegal? Ghana? Puerto Rico? I'm itchy to get to work on the next step. That is probably not the complete answer to why I don't feel completely fulfilled but at least I know that is part of it and I can start to work on the rest.

Which is hard enough since the accepted discourse on black women's lives doesn't even give us space to even imagine it that way. And that is a tragedy. Imagine how many Alice, Zora, Lorraine, Lucille's we have out there who hit 30 (or more like 20, once upon a time) and convinced themselves that it wasn't a new professional, creative or economic adventure that they needed to embark upon--they just didn't have a man. But we every update on TheRoot.com, the 5 o'clock news and our Facebook/Twitter feeds telling us what we need is a good husband.

that is all.

The Little Town in Maine Post

2010-05-26T09:40:00.000-04:00

(x-posted over at Puff's blog, Generalize This)

A year ago, I moved to a Little Town in Maine. Like Puff, I'm dissertating which is really just a shorthand way of saying I go wherever someone will pay me to teach/research/write until I get my advisor's stamp of approval and I'm allowed to go find a "real" job (then I'll still have to go wherever someone will pay me to teach/research/write but I'll get better benefits and a bright-eyed research assistant I can unload five plus years of pent up exploitation on. What joy is mine).

My travels led me up to the northeast edge of the country, 3 parts New England and 1 part Canada, where the population of people of color is 2% at best and composed of Rwandan, Somali and Sudanese immigrants, military folk, college students (students not faculty, and with an emphasis on athletes) and a few ancien African-Americans descended from eighteenth-century black New England families or some combination of the above. To put that in better perspective, I know all five adult black women in town and all of us are affiliated with the university.

It starts getting dark at 3 p.m. here in the winter. The town (don't blink, you'll miss it) closes shop at 5 p.m. (the really rowdy ones close at 8). Driving slow is the norm and honking is rude (for a native Chicagoan, this damn near kills me). Walking is big, running is bigger, kayaking in the summer (and snowshowing in the winter) is biggest. Everyone has partners (this a meta term that pretty much signifies long-term sexual relations whether married or otherwise) and kids. And playdates. The public radio station plays classical music 80% of the day and there is no Tell Me More or hip hop & R&B station (utter fail as far as I'm concerned and really? All day? who wants to hear classical ALL day?). Waking up at the butt crack of dawn is not only commendable but expected and if you admit you don't expect to receive the New England Look of Disdain.

I think I kind of love it.

Which is weird. Because I'm pretty much the opposite of everything above. I mean--I'm urban. The hell am I doing on the other side of the world in a little town where I can't even find good leave-in conditioner?

But there is something refreshing and familiar--in a Northside Chicago sense--about the blue collar, laid back townspeople. I won't describe them here because I'd have to think and choose my words and this was supposed to be a quick morning post. I'll just say that I got here and I knew them. They were my Polish-Italian immigrant descended neighbors in Chicago's Lincoln Square, they are my mother's overworked and underpaid co-workers, hell, some of them are my mother with her stubborn and loving belief in equal opportunity. And I appreciate that they don't come laden with the same oppressive baggage that I found in, say, St. Louis or Atlanta or D.C. Oh, they have their own issues, and put some of these folks in those cities for a few years and I'll bet white privilege will have its way with them. But their issues aren't the same. Time, place and historical context has given them a willingness to engage you.

And a willingness to leave you alone to do your own thing since their sense of self doesn't revolve around oppressing you.

So to everyone who ever looked on my move to a small town in the Arctic circle with disbelief--yo, it's cool. Give it a try. Life is grand.

AHHHH!!! e. badu!!!

2010-03-30T19:31:00.000-04:00

"Over time I have become comfortably numb; purposely dumb. I have been programmed to move on command, to long for animated fairy tales that resemble nothing familiar to my experiences. I think I've always lived in my head, more than out here in the 'real' world. It's been the lab where much of my anxiety was first created (what to think, how to think, what to believe, what to be happy about, waht to be sad about, what is appropriate what is not accepted by the ground, how to speak, what is proper, how to love, how to dream and so forth). Yet and still, (one of my grand mama's terms) I am a bundle of light energy looking out of myself from the top hovering over myself with the compassion of a good mother for a child learning a thing for the first time. This is where it gets good. I have somehow managed to stay woke even in the warm womb of complacency..."

Erykah Badu, "Liner Notes," New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh (2010)

Mmm....

2010-03-29T19:55:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting at home, burning my Oshun incense (mmmm mmmm mmmmmMMM!) and reminiscing on my lovely spring break. And considering searching out a hot tub spot somewhere in southern Maine.

In loving memory:

Thanks again to Cornflake Girl for hosting. I hope everyone slipped back into the Real World with no harm and no foul.

boogie, Maven--see you in a week or so.

Why I Still Read the Root (sometimes)

2010-03-28T23:47:00.000-04:00

gems like this:

Bad Black Girls are Vain Too

2010-03-05T01:26:00.000-05:00

"I want to go down in history in a chapter marked Miscellaneous because the writers could find no other way to categorize me/in this world where classification is key. I want to erase the straight lines/so I can be me." ~Staceyann Chin

X-Posted at Nunez Daughter under "Womanism Month"

California Love

2010-02-22T22:38:00.004-05:00

Countdown is TOO official...

...be on the look for Cali love of the week over the next 4 weeks. Who's got next?

Erykah Badu – Window Seat

2010-02-10T15:03:00.004-05:00

Erykah Badu – Window Seat

new isht from one of me favs. glad she's bringing her sound back from "the deep end" aka, New Amerykah Pt 1. enjoy...

you got kids?

2010-02-02T22:55:00.003-05:00

so, new boo potential on the horizon. nothing major...cool dude, tall enough, good job, well-educated, chill. it works for the moment and we have good convo. it's easy so, purpose is being served.

now, during one of our chill conversations, he asked me if i had kids. my first thought was, "hell no." then, i thought, "why the hell would he ask ME that?" then..."duh, genius." it occurred to me tonight in the shower(don't hate on that good thinking time) that the lead question isn't one that even enters my consciousness to ask. i mean, it kinda makes sense, i don't have kids, therefore, why would it occur to me to ask someone else if they do? (okay, i know the answer to that).

however, it reminded me that no matter how many years i can count on this earth, no matter how much i look at friends' pics on FB and drool over their children, no matter how much i will REALLY want kids someday, I am NOT READY.

but, it also made me think about what i want from a potential mate. i think i'm okay with kids. (egh.) i also think i don't want to be bothered. my child walks herself, eats when she wants to, and sleeps 80% of the day...and doggonit, i like it!

age old convo, but one worth having since i say i'm looking for more (with an open heart) in 2010.

wish list for 2010...

2010-01-24T18:36:00.010-05:00

yo, my girls had it right in '93. just sayin'...

you're welcome...

;)

in a sentimental mood

2010-01-20T22:32:00.004-05:00

consider this a "redux" of the previous post.

i just realized...i get really sentimental/moody/needy around this time of year. i could attribute it to any number of things. however, i am sure it has to do the high frequency of bbg b-days between dec-feb (therefore celebrations) and the reunions we were previously so damned good at creating.

immense amounts of love and miss.

I Miss You All...

2009-12-10T00:29:00.002-05:00

individually and collectively.

I could use a real common room space with good food, drinks, chocolate chip cookies, and caramel cake. Until then, I'll be reaching out to each of you in some way, shape, or form in the coming weeks for random conversation and support. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some as well.

BTW - Who's going to see The Princess and the Frog this weekend?

Lil Wayne and Childhood Sexual Abuse

2009-12-05T11:28:00.003-05:00

Full on trigger warning by the way. Please warned. And I say that not just for the topic and the disclosure...but the reaction in the room.

Hmmph on this and how it connects to BET Awards show and the 12 year olds gyrating to "F** Every Girl in the World"

Hmmph on this and how it connects to his whole discography.

Hmmph on how do we friggin deal with this in our community as though he is not an anomaly (although I did just call him out a bit). I.E. in every one of our families there is a Lil Wayne. Whether you know it or not.

Toma--from Freedom Fighter:

"...he was 1. forced/pressured/coerced by older men to have sex when he may not have been ready, 2. by a somewhat older (we presume) woman, who should also have known better but perhaps also was in danger (gang rape, men pressuring her to perform sexual acts). that is abuse. if it had been the other way around, for most, it would be very clear that it was abusive.
I can’t even imagine how that affects interactions with women. the message that this experience gives is: if you want something, you can have it. even if you take it without permission. 2. it’s ok to force/pressure someone into sex. 3. to never let a woman be more powerful than me again, I may have to use violence. he even equated the feelings he had about the experience to killing five people. it was violent. whether he explicitly says that or not..."

Vid here.

p.s. If you have read Push and seen Precious, hope you toss it into the Common Room

The Weiner Circle

2009-11-27T18:38:00.005-05:00

don't go getting all excited, not that kind of weiner.

actually, i wish this was a post about that. now, i am no fan of weiners, but this has pretty much secured me never trying one in life. eva. especially from this establishment.

check out the video and be ready to share your thoughts, feelings, rants, etc about what you saw. i was saddened (i literally got teary), fearful, pissed and disgusted. i won't go into the historical, racial, sexist, and financial implications so deeply rooted here as you'll soon see for yourself.

grr..

oh, and if that vid's not enough, check out the "related" ones where you can see the milkshake demonstrated.

We Collect Inspriration: The Journey

2009-11-11T15:37:00.004-05:00

this sunday, as with many sundays at all souls, i was moved/inspired by the sermon from the church's leaders but decided this one was worth sharing. i think all of us will find it poignant because of the transitions we currently find ourselves in. so, i share with you the message to appreciate the moment and enjoy your journey. instead of wondering what the end point will be, stop and take time to reflect on your current situation.

Rev. Lynngood informed the congregation we can create moments of gratitude for the present by asking ourselves four questions of affirmation:
1. there no place i'd rather be
2. there is nothing else i'd rather being doing
3. there is no one i'd rather be with
4. this, i will remember well

if you find yourself getting lost in the moment, take a little time to pause, reconnect and be grateful.

peace & blessings,

boogie

TOTALLY random

2009-11-08T18:42:00.004-05:00

um, this is a total Boogie/ADD moment...

how sad is it i, at damn near 30, have to ask my little (wait, younger, she's got 2" on me) sister for help with make-up and hair? very. buying new eye-shadow took about 2 hours today and of course they are ALL in that N.A.G. (Neutral Ass Girl) family...i need help. Black Lilly knows my pain and has lived it second-hand by attempting to help me through my struggles. ugh.

Let's Discuss...

2009-10-20T23:18:00.003-04:00

A Message to Black Women: Why You Shouldn’t Limit Yourself to Black Men

Fleacé Weaver

I was motivated to create my Free Your Mind seminars, which encourage Black women to date non-Black men, after listening to an impassioned friend—an attractive woman in her late 30s—lament an all too common refrain from Black women as young as 25. With a master's degree, an executive job, a mortgage in her name, and no children, she just couldn't understand why she was alone when she'd done everything "right." She wanted to find a nice Black guy and get married. She complained about being overlooked by Black men who pretended she didn't exist, or worse, the ones who quoted the unfortunate ratio of Black men to Black women with a smile like the cat who had swallowed the canary. By the time she finished explaining, she had tears in her eyes. And I was thinking: life is way too short to be unhappy and way too long if you are alone when you don't want to be.

Way to Put it Down Roland

2009-10-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

J-Smooth on Polanski...

2009-10-08T12:35:00.002-04:00

He pretty much spoke from my brain on this one. What do you think?

First Five Minutes of Princess and the Frog

2009-10-07T20:44:00.002-04:00

No comment. But I'd love to read yours....

Via io9

We Collect Inspiration: Tresa Dunbar and Kerry Purcell

2009-09-15T13:23:00.003-04:00

We haven't done this in awhile. And these women are FIERCE:

Principals Tresa Dunbar and Kerry Purcell are the subjects of the new documentary The Principal Story. The documentary explores how the two principals, Purcell with six years of experience and Dunbar with only two years, go about inspiring their staffs, their students and themselves to improve conditions and test results in their schools.
"If you want to turn around troubled schools, schools that are challenged, school that have a majority of low-income students, you really need strong leadership," said Tod Lending, the film's executive producer and co-director, who followed Dunbar and Purcell for a full school year. Lending received a grant from the Wallace Foundation to document the challenges faced by school principals in America.
At the two schools, at least 95 percent of students are at or below the poverty line. At the beginning of the documentary, each of the principals was leading a school that faced tremendous disciplinary problems, including poor attendance and failing test scores.

Listen to this story here. Seriously.

Out With the Old... In With the New

2009-09-12T17:18:00.002-04:00

I've been struggling with what to do with my personal blog for a while. I've changed the theme, played with the colors and format, etc but I just wasn't happy with it. I thought of deleting it but have simply decided to retire it and start anew. I posted a final post on silence is sound with an explanation of my decision and an update on my "28 by 28." Check it out if you are interested. Please drop in on my new space occasionally. I value your comments and input. They are what kept me from deleting it altogether. I hope to make daily posts on whatever I fancy but I hope it will reflect my journey as I learn to live out Loud & In Living Color.

What Do You Call This?

2009-09-12T14:47:00.003-04:00

I don't feel like arguing with stupid men on Facebook, so I came to the Common Room. Click the link for the story.

Man Wakes Up Ex-Girlfriend With Special Sauce

Yes, it is what you think it is. Some people think this is funny, like the friend who posted it. I think it's sexual assault. What do you think?

On second thought, I kinda do feel like arguing. I replied to the post because not doing so only perpetuates the rape culture.

TOTALLY RANDOM: the small joys of being single

2009-09-10T22:26:00.004-04:00

cereal, chips-n-salsa or maybe a nectarine with a glass of wine for dinner. hell, why not all four?
combine that with no one asking you, "hey, can you pick something up? what are we having? should we go out for dinner?"

howabout being FLYY as hell and doing it for ya damn self?

ok, ok, one more...having unlimited options of who you spend your time with: him? nah, him...no wait, him. eh, maybe the girls. no wait, i don't want to see a damn person. ;)

anywho, i just had a moment.

lata, loves!

Chris Brown Revisited

2009-09-02T21:52:00.006-04:00

I am watching his interview with Larry King and it's making me quite upset. I'm not going to comment on it any more than saying that it is clear that I won't see what I want to see from him any time soon. However, in my dream world, this is what would happen...

Chris would apologize and mean it. He would admit that he has a "problem" and get help for it. He would do it for his fans - all the kids that are looking up to him, all the little girls that adore him and all the grown ass women who jumped to his defense - for Rihanna, any future women in his life, his mom, and mostly for himself - or the scared little boy that he used to be. He would accept that it's not enough to just say "I'll never do that. I'll never hit a woman." He would also speak to men and young boys and encourage them to seek help to deal with what they saw and experienced in their homes. He would speak to women and girls and tell them that Rihanna didn't deserve what he did to her and that his actions can't and shouldn't be justified. He would tell them that they deserve better. He would encourage those in violent relationships to seek help or find a way out of a dangerous situation. He would say all of the things that he wanted someone to tell his mother. He would do his part to make sure that at least one other child doesn't go through what he did...

but we don't live in my perfect world. At the end of the day, I know he is just a young man who happens to be famous. However, he is also a young man who spoke out about how domestic violence affected him as a child and who has an opportunity to help other young girls and boys in the similar situations. He could be just what someone needs to break the cycle, if only he realized he was still caught up in it.

Happy Anniversary NOLA

2009-08-29T14:31:00.001-04:00

Still swingin.

Outkast - idlewild blue (dont chu worry bout me)
by badeur17139

Real Talk PSA: Don't Front on the Sexy IT Guy

2009-08-28T11:55:00.005-04:00

Sure, he may own one too many polo shirts, but ladies please don't hate on the hidden sexy of the quiet unassuming "techie"...you are gonna need someone to defragement you hard drive sooner or later... literally and euphamistically.

These Degrees...

2009-08-26T00:06:00.006-04:00

We have all seen those articles about educated black women not being able to find a mate, well a black male mate. We've even debated them in almost every form of communication. However, I still can't get over the reaction of certain men when I tell them that I have (or was pursuing) a master's degree. I've gotten a few interesting reactions but none as startling as this one:

Last month, I was out celebrating a friend's birthday. The last bar closes and we are hanging around outside trying to figure out where we are heading next. People break off into their groups (another post) and I ended up talking to a guy who was waiting on his friend to close up the bar. We make normal small talk and appear to be hitting it off really well. I don't remember what we were talking about but I mention something about teaching. He got super excited about that for some reason. "Oh, you teach?! What do you teach?" I tell him that I used to teach but just recently completed my masters in counseling and was looking for work. He then goes into some crazy mumbling about how a bachelors was enough for him, especially because of the loans, how he can't find work in his field, and how the government is coming after him to pay back his loans and might even garnish his wages. I try offer some friendly suggestions but I'm thinking "For real, dude? TMI." At this point, the birthday girl's phone rings (of which I have possession for the safety of all parties) and allows me to exit this drama stage right.

Ladies and gentleman, what the hell? Does an advanced degree, or not having one, really come with all of that baggage? Does it matter that I must have at least a masters degree to work in my field? Men, is it important for you to have the same or more education than your significant other? Ladies, have you encountered men who are uncomfortable with your education? Has this played a part in your decision to pursue an advanced degree? Would you date a guy with less education than you?

Personally, I would like to think that it wouldn't matter to me what level of education a man had as long as we were able to have intelligent conversation and it wasn't an issue for him. However, all the guys that were not "on my level" education wise have made it an issue. Maybe its something I'm doing wrong but I'm proud of my education. I must admit, though, over the past year I've talked about my education a lot more than usual when first meeting people to explain why I didn't have a "job." I'm used to working, being independent and going to school. So this past year has been really uncomfortable, but my degree, and the pursuit of it, kept me warm.

I hope I didn't/don't sound like this though.

School Spirit Skit 2 - Kanye West

Supernova

2009-08-24T21:28:00.000-04:00

MR HUDSON [FEAT KANYE WEST] - SUPERNOVA from MrHudson on Vimeo.

This song is my current On Repeat.

Maven Metaphor 8/21/09: the beginning of Real Talk PSA

2009-08-22T00:15:00.007-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today about relationships. I'm not sure if it was my own financial crises pushing their way to the forefront of my consciousness as the conversation wore on, but something struck a chord with me. All of the sudden, I found myself able to articulate my thoughts about imbalanced relationships.

real talk PSA: you have no credit history. you're overdrawn. your account is inactive... please know that your emotional investments operate a lot like your financial ones: there are penalties for trying to take out more than you put in. --the Maven

In case you are wondering, My goal is to generate at least 365 of these bad boys...enough for our very own BBG inspirational "quote-a-day" calendar. Hallmark is making a killing on those bad boys... we can't let them corner the market!

So WHEN (not if) your life inspires a "real talk PSA," jot it down and post it. Feel free to source other BBGs world wide...just remember attribution is key! Only 364 to go! =)

the politics of marriage

2009-08-17T22:30:00.014-04:00

So, i was privy to a situation between a husband and wife at the j-o-b today (which admittedly is foreign to me given my "single" status). Don't ask why "single" is in quotations, lol.

background: work is killer right now. my unit has some huge projects under-way. very stressful, but potentially fruitful and definitely exciting projects. we will be working late nights (8-10pm in office) and early mornings (6-7 am start times) for probably the next week or so.

characters: self. you all know me, so i won't get into heavy character descriptions here. young (recent college grad) staff assistant (SA) and her NEW, younger husband (SAH). SA & SAH are african-american, pretty devout Christians and fairly conservative in general. SA is ivy-educated, YES she is attractive (for the male readers) and generally speaking, a well-rounded girl. Within the confines of our office and unit, she rarely has an issue sharing her opinions and makes very good decisions.

setting: office. approaching 8 o'clock hour.

SAH calls (not the first time since i've been over-seeing final pieces of tonight's project). He's downstairs, waiting on wifey to buzz him up. i come down to let him in so SA can keep working. of course, he is disappointed to see not his lovely wife, but my slave-driving ass come down to greet him with a marginally warm "hello." (sorry folks, it's the best i can do on 4 hours sleep, deadlines and with someone else's man). ok, so he's peeved, i would be too.

we make small talk on the ride up to the top floor. (ok, i have to interject some judgmental, albeit descriptive things i noticed.) 1. he didn't wait for me to exit the elevator first, he got off and waited for me to let him past our secure office door. 2. he then walked through the door in front of me and proceeded to SA's office. So, yea, fail on chivalry. he comes into the office, i step out so they can have a moment to greet one another/small talk. shortly after i return to the office, SAH makes a point to say (i think more for me than for her), "hun, b/c you have to be back by 6am, i need you to be done, ready to go, by 9."

OF COURSE the kid peeped this something strong. ok. imma let that pass. my brain interpreted this comment 2 ways simultaneously: 1. he is concerned for her well-being and wants her to get a good night's rest and have some balance between work and personal life. 2. he is controlling and concerned about getting home and watching the T.O. show.

so SA and I are grinding it out. as time wears on, i watch him monitor the time and give "gentle" reminders. as 9 swiftly approaches, he begins to huff and puff, tap his foot and make far less "gentle" reminders such as, "babe, you know i love you, but you've got to make some decisions." Now again ya'll know me, so you can only imagine what I am thinking. Okay, in case you're wondering, it went a little something like this, "she has decided to get this work done so we don't loose our damn jobs."

9:02 p.m., SAH: "babe, i really love you and you know this, but you need to decide what makes a happy home." Ok. So at this point, i'm like, "this is real not cute for ANY of us." combined with, "oh no he didn't." and "oh wait, yes he did and i kinda respect it." and don't forget, "nigga, she is keeping home happy by making this money to support your ass!"

SA promptly turns to me and says, "um, boogie, i can't stay. i really have to get home. i can finish this in the morning when we get back." (note, she doesn't provide one of the more professional responses including, but not limited to: "i can get it to you later tonight", or "by 11 and i will email it" OR "oh, hun, i need to stay 20 minutes and finish a critical piece to ensure completion by 8 am tomorrow"). SA then quickly turns off laptop and packs it up before i can ask where she stands on completing the task.

My response was no where near, "girl, i know, it's late, we need to get out of here. rather, it went a like, "oh, well, where do we stand? in reviewing the pages you just gave me, we have some corrections to make before print tomorrow AM." i proceed to point them out to her, at the same time pointing out she needs to email me her latest draft so that I can continue working...TO GET THE JOB DONE.

now, i MUST acknowledge my single, heterosexual, liberal, feminist, independent,task/goal-oriented nature/persona. however, something about this entire situation rubbed me the WRONG FUCKING WAY! at the same time, i MUST acknowledge my single, never-married, no-children, young, task/goal-oriented status which limits my perspective on "what makes a happy home" between man and woman.

so, i need some feedback on what i witnessed. was this "typical?" (right, whatever THAT is...) did she abandon her job duties? would men expect their woman to leave work behind and come home to "make a happy home?" would women out there leave work (under a partner's command/request) to "make a happy home?" what makes a happy home? clear, shared expectations? demands? semi-reasonable requests on occasion?

again, i understand there are dynamics in play which i may not understand b/c i am have never been and am not currently married.

brothers, speak to me.

i know my ladies are gonna chime in.

More Insurgent Princessing

2009-08-02T14:12:00.000-04:00

or some such. :) FTW.

More Happy: Pretty Wings

2009-07-25T16:40:00.002-04:00

So...I know I clowned Maxwell when we were in college...but I'm older. And wiser.

And yeah, he can get it.

(Maybe it's the haircut and the whole confirmed-but-label-flipped-so-now-i'm-just-questionably gay thing; I think I lust for less than accessible men)

Besides the fact that this video is unbelievably erotic...happy, happies for all.

Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Official Music Video) - Click here for more blooper videos

Random Happies

2009-07-25T14:09:00.002-04:00

Recipe for delicious thin crust pizza

Food is yum. And....

The Rebecca Project (covered by the Magnificent Michel Martin of Tell Me More):

Mothers who fall victim to drug abuse, domestic violence, and other life altering circumstances are often vulnerable and need help starting over. Regular parenting contributor Jolene Ivey is joined by Malika Saada Saar and Imani Walker to discuss how families can find paths to stability and safety. Saar and Walker are co-founders of The Rebecca Project for Human Rights

And I didn't see BIA2 but I heard about this story from T and am sharing it.

Voila.

Never Having Daughters

2009-07-25T10:43:00.000-04:00

This is terrifying (from Curvature):

A brand new study on sex education (or a current lack of it) out of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveals an incredibly disturbing but not particularly surprising new number. Almost 10% of young women aged 18 to 24 reported that their first intercourse was involuntary.

This number matters a great deal, for a whole host of reasons. The first, of course, is that the rape of any woman matters, and 10% of any group of women being raped period is much, much too high. But it’s no secret that a rape can have a huge impact on a person’s future view of sexuality, and that view can be particularly affected if the abuse occurs early on. Not to mention that women who have been raped once are significantly more likely to be raped again.

2009-07-24T22:21:00.001-04:00

X-Posted: Self Care: Revise, Revise, Revise

And what do we make of this?

2009-07-22T15:20:00.002-04:00

Common Sense from Rachel Maddow

2009-07-21T23:07:00.001-04:00

Always.
Speak up.
Speak out.
People will hear you.
And now

--when Pat Buchanan can rant on a reputable cable news channel in a way that puts the Ku Klux Klan promotional material to shame--

IS the time, if there ever was one.

Facebook Foolishness vol. 3, In response to: Chris Brown Apologizes...Facebook Style, nonetheless

2009-07-20T23:32:00.012-04:00

Ok, so, IC beat me to this by a matter of mere minutes. Consider this post to be my answer to her question. Oh, before I go too far, it feels good to be back in CR! Missed Ya'll! Been too busy actin' a fool this summer to keep up with the past month or so's posts...
...'nuff of that...

so, i make it home from work, pee, walk ms. thang and then get on facebook and my other assortment of banned sites that i can't access during the regular work day.
while on the beloved, yet devlish facebook, i see a good friend of mine and someone i consider to be like fam post the status update you see below:

the other comments follow and as you see, the kid got a liiitle excited on this topic. so in the same spirit of IC, let me know...was his apology enough? are we too caught up in pop culture? what about misogynistic views (am i missing the boat? is isht like this okay now?) oh and lastly, "really?!" to the ppl who's identity has been protected by the genius of the Maven...you wanna play the holier-than-thou judgment game? REALLY?!

Chris Brown Apologizes...

2009-07-20T23:15:00.003-04:00

Is this enough? What are your thoughts on the situation? Can you separate the man and the artist? Did we talk about this before?

Let's discuss.

TWIB on everything (except Gates because he just finished this vid today)

2009-07-20T21:55:00.001-04:00

Cops n' Scholars???

2009-07-20T16:38:00.007-04:00

this is definitely the WTF for the day...

Harvard professor Gates arrested at Cambridge home

July 20, 2009
By Tracy Jan, Globe Staff

"Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., one of the nation's pre-eminent African-American scholars, was arrested Thursday afternoon at his home by Cambridge police investigating a possible break-in. The incident raised concerns among some Harvard faculty that Gates was a victim of racial profiling...."

read the rest here.

Read the crazy police report HERE ( YOU MUST read the police report!)

My Comment over at JJP on Obama's speech to NAACP

2009-07-18T11:02:00.002-04:00

Could not read all of the comments (good lawd, 226 on last count?) but I think that healthy critique makes the world goes around

That said, I was pretty underwhelmed. For the first time, his black preacher stylistics really fell flat to me and felt really contrived. I'm sad that I felt that way because I've NEVER felt that way before. And I think it is a sign o' the times if you will (and perhaps of audience expectations?)

And I don't EVER like the "blame the ghetto"/Cosby was right rhetoric. It is scarily disconnected from the reality that many, many black people here in the U.S. face and never goes down with enough critical assessment of institutionalized racism and other structures of oppression (gender, sexuality, etc. etc. etc.).

I haven't seen Pat acting a fool but if he or Chris Matthews said this speech was just for black folks they are dead wrong. This speech was especially pitched for whites in its fairly centrist rhetoric and its Executive Office talking points (health care, energy, education) as issues that we ALL face without talking about how these issues specifically impact the black community, or even the black and Latino community, (rising obesity, diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks, etc. in the black community because of inequal access to healthy food and doctors; pollution and environmental violence and gentrification in black neighborhoods; curriculum, teachers, healthy food, clean schools, safe schools, education that empowers young people, support for families and children) and what the NAACP can do about it.

I hope Obama gets his act together. But I guess as POTUS you can only do so much. And he said so in the first few minutes of his speech: Presidents got pushed to make the changes that we see today and are living with today. So our President needs to keep getting pushed. And this should be the forum where that happens and continues to happen--first black President or not.

Go to JJP and comment or discuss here.

DC Vigil for Lei Tyree Johnson

2009-07-18T10:42:00.001-04:00

Ignore domestic violence as someone else's issue #youdothis.
Agitate and Conversate on the damage being done in your communities #idothis

Come out, come out, please! And RT/Repost this widely:

Because my writing has had to take precedent over other projects over the summer I haven’t been posting here as much as I would like. However I just received an email that bears posting:

On July 1, 2009, Lei Tyree Johnson with a male friend was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend, who also attempted to suffocate her 12-year old son. A vigil honoring Johnson and the cause of Domestic Violence will be held on Wednesday, July 22, 2009 from 7pm-9pm at UDC-Denard Plaza. The event is co-sponsored by the Beta Iota Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta (Johnson crossed at Beta Iota in 2000) and the UDC Pan Hell. If you are in the DC/MD/VA area PLEASE come out and help take a stand against domestic violence.

Attire: Members of Fraternities and Sororities wear paraphernalia

Bring a white candle & a friend.

For further information please contact dcdelta4life@gmail.com

Those on twitter PLEASE tweet this. Those on facebook please share this. Those who are simply blog readers, please share this however you can. In times like these I fear this will become even more common than it (unfortunately) already is.

Facebook foolishness, vol. 2: the things that come up in my news feed

2009-07-15T10:10:00.006-04:00

I am going to with hold any of my own personal commentary on this one for the time being. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. As usual, the names have been removed to ...well...i just figured it was in good taste to do so. Its one thing when you put your name on something, and another when said thing is reposted on a blog for public commentary. OH... but I want the commentary!!!! =)

The Republican Party needs a new hobby....

2009-07-15T07:15:00.003-04:00

So I get it. Hating people of color, Hating women, Hating the GLBT community was cool for about 500 years. But its starting to get really old...

I am unsure as to why the Republican Party has never asked White Men if their race and class would play into their ability to make a JUST descision as a JUDGE!!!

Maven on the high seas...

2009-07-14T20:04:00.002-04:00

in case you were wondering how i keep myself busy while I'm missing all of my girls..... sigh... oh the foolishness... The embedding specs are off since we shot in wideframe but you get the idea.....

Black and Brown Kids Barred from the Pool (Philly)

2009-07-09T21:04:00.005-04:00

From Color of Change. The day camp paid the club $1900.00 to act a damn fool.

[ETA: The Field Negro, an excellent blogger in Philly, has his ear to the ground with an excellent breakdown/update of facts]

Dear friends,
Two weeks ago outside Philadelphia, sixty-five children from a summer camp tried to go swimming at a club their camp had a contract to use. Evidently, the club didn't know the kids were largely Black.
When the campers entered the pool, White parents took their kids out of the water, and the swimming club's staff asked the campers to leave. The next day, the club told the summer camp that their membership would be canceled and that they would refund their money. When asked why, the club's leader said the "kids would change the complexion ... and the atmosphere of the club."
A "Whites only" pool in 2009 should not be tolerated. The club's actions appear to be a violation of section 1981 of the Civil Rights Act. Whether or not any laws were violated, a "Whites only" pool should be something every American condemns.
I've just joined ColorOfChange.org in doing exactly that -- will you join me, and email your friends and family asking them to do the same? We're also calling on the Department of Justice to evaluate suing the facility under federal law. It takes just a moment to do both, here:
http://www.colorofchange.org/swim/?id=1766-899373
Obama is President but that doesn't mean that suddenly all is fine when it comes to race in America. This is a vivid reminder of what we know still lies beneath the surface.
We all know stories like this one -- similar incidents play out quietly every day in different communities across the country. The difference in this case is that folks got caught and there was a contract in place that makes for a potentially illegal act.
Standing up now isn't just about making things right for these kids in Philadelphia or bringing consequences to this swim club (called the Valley Swim Club). It's about creating a climate of accountability everywhere. If we can publicly shame the Valley Swim Club and hold them accountable for this incident, it will make others think twice before engaging in this kind of discrimination.
Please join me in condemning the Valley Swim Club's blatant discrimination and calling on the Justice Department to investigate whether they violated civil rights laws. And please ask your friends and family to do the same.
http://www.colorofchange.org/swim/?id=1766-899373
Thanks.

Here are some links to more info:
"Pool Boots Kids Who Might 'Change the Complexion,'" NBC Philadelphia, 07-08-09
http://bit.ly/90Zyr
"60 Black Kids Booted from Philly Pool For Being Black -- Speak Out," Jill Tubman at Jack and Jill Politics, 07-08-09
http://bit.ly/GkJTs
"Valley Swim Club: Day Two," Adam B at Daily Kos, 07-08-09
http://bit.ly/qbpSA
"Section 1981 Summary," Employment Law Information Network
http://www.elinfonet.com/1981sum.php

Update: Department of Justice takes the case on

What if Strawberry Shortcake Got Gangsta?

2009-07-04T12:28:00.003-04:00

A new twist on movies-that-should-be-made (b.k.a. DisneyFail) that fits right in our world where princess kick bad guy ass and don't need a man to live happily ever after:

Strawberry Shortcake: The Fall Of Orange Blossom
Plot: Orange Blossom, once a dear friend of Strawberry Shortcake, moves in with the Peculiar Purple Pie Man of Porcupine Peak and changes her name to Citrus Frost. All hell breaks loose when she tries to freeze her former fruit-friends into oblivion. Will Strawberry Shortcake save the day?
Tag Line: "Orange You Glad This Shortcake Can Kick Some Ass?"

From Jezebel. They've got Care Bears, She-Ra, Rainbrow Brite and JEM among others.

(Why was I so geeked to see JEM? And why hasn't a movie been made about her yet???? Come on!)

Just Because...

2009-07-03T13:26:00.003-04:00

Black Girl Pain - Talib Kweli

Black Girl Pain

[Hook]

My mama said life would be this hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In every way still we've come so far
They just know the name they don't know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry forth til the day I die
They just know the name they don't know the pain black girl

[Talib Kweli]
I do it for the people, I do it for the love
I do it for the poet, I do it for the thug
This is for victory, and this is for the slaughter
I do it for my mother, I do it for my daughter
Promise I'll always love ya, I love to kiss and hug ya
You and your brother should be lookin out for one another
I'm so blessed, man, y'all the reason I got up
Somebody put his hands on you I'm gettin locked up
I'm not playin, that's the prayer I'm sayin for Diani
And if I die then she'll be protected by Amani
That's her bigger brother and I love the way he love her
She a girly-girl, she love to imitate her mother
But she a Gemini, so stay on the friendly side
She'll put that look on you, it's like somebody friend just died
My pretty black princess smell sweet like that incense
That you buy at the bookstore supporting black business
Teach her what black is; the fact is her parents are thorough
She four reading Cornrows by Camille Yarborough
I keep her hair braided, bought her a black Barbie
I keep her mind free; she ain't no black zombie
This is for Aisha, this is for Kashera
This is for Khadijah scared to look up in the mirror
I see the picture clearer thru the stain on the frame
She got a black girl name, she livin black girl pain
This is for Makeba, and for my mamacita
What's really good, ma? I'll be your promise-keeper
I see the picture clearer thru the stain on the frame
She got a black girl name, she livin black girl pain

[Hook]
My mama said life would be this hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In every way still we've come so far
They just know the name they don't know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry it forth til the day I die
They just know the name they don't know the pain black girl

[Jean Grae]
This is for Beatrice Bertha Benjamin who gave birth to
Tsidi Azeeda for Lavender Hill for Khayelitsha
ALTHLONE, Mitchell's Plain, Swazi girls I'm reppin for thee
Mannesburg, Guguletu where you'd just be blessed to get thru
For beauty shinin thru like the sun at the highest noon
From the top of the cable car at Table Mountain; I am you
Girls with the skyest blue of eyes and the darkest skin
For Cape Colored allied for realizing we're African
For all my cousins back home, the strength of mommy's backbone
The length of which she went for raising, sacrificing her own
The pain of not reflecting the range of our complexions
For rubber pellet scars on Auntie Elna's back I march
Fist raised caramel shinin in all our glory
For Mauritius, St, Helena; my blood is a million stories
Winnie for Joan and for Edie, for Norma, Leslie, Ndidi
For Auntie Betty, for Melanie; all the same family
Fiona, Jo Burg, complex of mixed girls
For surviving thru every lie they put into us now
The world is yours and I swear I will stand focused
Black girls, raise up your hands; the world should clap for us

[Hook]
My mama said life would be this hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In every way still we've come so far
They just know the name they don't know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry it forth til the day I die cos
They just know the name they don't know the pain black girl

The Black Music Post

2009-07-02T07:24:00.003-04:00

I am still speechless but in my LIVID comments on the last post I started a list of black artists and some producers that were conspicuously absent from the BET awards show but are doing really interesting things. I just wanted a little bit of hope I guess. And a reminder that BET does not have the lock or even the final say on black creativity (even if they do have a responsibility, yes believe the hype, to invest in the potential and power of black music).

Off the top of my head (most are copied straight from the original comment):
Janelle Monae
J*Davey
Santigold
Melanie Fiona
Algebra
Kid Cudi
Hollyweerd
Jazmine Sullivan
Chrisette Michelle (new album is BANGIN! "Blame it on Me"? Hotness)
Charles Hamilton (the boy is crazy but his word flow IS nice)
The Cool Kids
Tyler Woods (new artist with 9th, peep him on YouTube)
Drake (when he isn't onstage with 12 year olds. He is new so I'm going to give him ONE more chance. Don't be a Dummy Drake. Hate to cut you off like Chris Breezy)
Erykah Badu (love all day)
Leela James
9th Wonder
88-keys
Foreign Exchange (and really anything Phonte or Little Brother does)

And the heavy hitters are at it:
Q-Tip has a recent album
Mos Def has a new album out (conspicuously absent from the awards, no?)
Rihanna has new stuff out
Jay-Z has new stuff out
Beyonce (of course)
Ciara (I mess with the music man, I really do)
Black Eyed Peas has a new album
Maxwell has a new album
Akon has stuff that I think is problematic but at least interesting. The song "Beautiful" really grew on me.

And if we happen to go international we've got:
Omar Sosa (He is FINE by the way)
Fanny
Ayo

Please add on in the comments.....

ETA: Corinne Bailey Rae; Estelle (to be fair, she was in attendance)

Deliberately Untitled Because I am Still Speechless

2009-07-01T19:00:00.003-04:00

This post will be updated once J-Smooth gets into the conversation. I imagine he is still speechless too.

Damn Kis! Tell us how you really feel.

I'd be happy to once the memory of 12 year old girls dancing on stage while Lil Wayne talks about how many girls he wants to fuck that night in front of a billboard ad for the Army/McDonalds/Insurance company stops burning my eyeballs.

Miss Janet, you shouldn't even have sullied your shoes with that stage.

The King of Pop's Progressive Impact

2009-06-28T18:22:00.001-04:00

"Music has long been a vehicle for social change and a bridge across the racial divide. Jackson's ability to reach the masses was uncanny, only rivaling that of international icons such as Jamaica's Bob Marley and Nigeria's Fela Kuti. As a child he brought African-American soul music to the mainstream and in his adulthood revolutionized pop music with an array of global influences in music and dance . Songs such as 'Man in the Mirror,' 'Black or White,' 'Earth Song,' and 'We are the World,' spawned many movements through its choruses and catchy hooks. Few artists mastered his ability to deliver a message and marketability."

Read the rest. Thoughts? (Post comments here but cc them on the site too!)

The Good Ol' Days: Life before FB

2009-06-27T10:19:00.004-04:00

Lately, the subject of facebook* and relationships has been popping up a lot - "'such and such deleted me as a friend', 'Dang, they deleted me too'" "I'm talking to this new guy/girl. Should I add him/her as a friend on facebook?" and "whatchamajig changes her relationship status every other day." With all this drama going on, I can't help but reminisce on days when friendships and relationships were not dependent on a facebook status. It makes me sad that my little cousins might find out that their boyfriends have broken with them in a facebook update or feel that a relationship isn't real unless it's on facebook or something like this happens to them -

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from facebook requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

or something like this might happen to one of us-

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

Now there are some pros to having a public source of information about someone you're dating and don't know very well, initially. However, when you're basing your feelings off (or expressing your deepest feelings via) status updates and newsfeeds, it can become problematic. Then, if things don't work out as planned, you're left with the drama of reading about their new life everyday (or several times a day) or you avoid facebook altoghether for fear you'll come across their page. OR you are faced with the dreaded deletion and all of it's connotations and drama.

So, what are your thoughts? Do you facebook all your new boos, beaus, and friends of friends? Or has facebook become the new build-a-bear**?

*I say facebook because that's the only one I use but this could apply to myspace, tagged, twitter, blackplanet, ning, flickr, or any other site where people put too much of their business out into the world.

**Remember freshman year, "build-a-bear, destroy-a-relationship"?

Fallen Princesses

2009-06-22T09:59:00.003-04:00

It is like we are psychic:

These works place Fairy Tale characters in modern day scenarios. In all of the images the Princess is placed in an environment that articulates her conflict. The '...happily ever after' is replaced with a realistic outcome and addresses current issues.

The project was inspired by my observation of three-year-old girls, who were developing an interest in Disney's Fairy tales. As a new mother I have been able to get a close up look at the phenomenon of young girls fascinated with Princesses and their desire to dress up like them. The Disney versions almost always have sad beginning, with an overbearing female villain, and the end is predictably a happy one. The Prince usually saves the day and makes the victimized young beauty into a Princess.

Read the rest and browse the gallery: click above.

Delicious

2009-06-12T00:56:00.003-04:00

Kinda quiet here in the Common Room.

Here's your regular dose of J Smoothie the Race Literate Cutie:

And some Music You Can't Get Out of Your Head:

(can you name all the supers in the video?)

peace

We Collect Inspiration: Sonia Sotomayor

2009-05-27T13:08:00.004-04:00

b.k.a. "Sonia from the block":

Who am I? I am a “Newyorkrican.” For those of you on the West Coast who do not know what that term means: I am a born and bred New Yorker of Puerto Rican-born parents who came to the states during World War II.

Like many other immigrants to this great land, my parents came because of poverty and to attempt to find and secure a better life for themselves and the family that they hoped to have. They largely succeeded. For that, my brother and I are very grateful. The story of that success is what made me and what makes me the Latina that I am. The Latina side of my identity was forged and closely nurtured by my family through our shared experiences and traditions.

For me, a very special part of my being Latina is the mucho platos de arroz, gandoles y pernir - rice, beans and pork - that I have eaten at countless family holidays and special events. My Latina identity also includes, because of my particularly adventurous taste buds, morcilla, — pig intestines, patitas de cerdo con garbanzo — pigs’ feet with beans, and la lengua y orejas de cuchifrito, pigs’ tongue and ears. I bet the Mexican-Americans in this room are thinking that Puerto Ricans have unusual food tastes. Some of us, like me, do. Part of my Latina identity is the sound of merengue at all our family parties and the heart wrenching Spanish love songs that we enjoy. It is the memory of Saturday afternoon at the movies with my aunt and cousins watching Cantinflas, who is not Puerto Rican, but who was an icon Spanish comedian on par with Abbot and Costello of my generation. My Latina soul was nourished as I visited and played at my grandmother’s house with my cousins and extended family. They were my friends as I grew up. Being a Latina child was watching the adults playing dominos on Saturday night and us kids playing loteria, bingo, with my grandmother calling out the numbers which we marked on our cards with chick peas.

This is actually from Maegan la Mala Ortiz's blog post over at VivirLatino. Read the entire thing please--here.

I will admit some concern over her shadowy stance on abortion. Guess we will have to see how that one plays out...

We Collect Inspiration: Michelle Obama

2009-05-25T22:28:00.002-04:00

Duh. We are so late on this.

As if we need a reason. But here is mine:

"And as I grew up and came to work in those places, right, and got to know them, I realized that the misunderstanding or the disconnect goes both ways — that folks outside of these communities have no idea what goes on within these institutions, and sometimes the people in the institutions have no real understanding of the people who live outside. You know, everybody is dealing in these misperceptions about one another because there is no bridge.

And I just feel like through the small things that we can do here at the White House, we can start exemplifying the importance of building those bridges, in real meaningful ways, so that when you come — when young people come here, they don't have to come here and be something they're not. They can come here and be who they are, and the folks here will listen. And we can go out and be ourselves and listen in their communities as well."

Read the rest of the interview with Time here.

Summer Reading Lists

2009-05-24T08:22:00.002-04:00

Ok, ok. Back to the positivity.

Inspired by various other lists (Luis and the Summer Music Playlist, the Kitchen Table, those who are comping around me) I'm sending out this call for books (CFB) to read this summer.

I already have a few in mind:
Annette Gordon-Reed, The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family (which just got the Pulitzer)
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf's memoir This Child Will be Great
Mara and Diouf, ed. New Perspectives on Islam in Africa

At some point I will catch upon the L.A. Banks' Vampire Huntress series, start David Anthony Durham's Acacia series and finish Octavia Butler's Patternmaster quartet.

Add your summer books here as the spirit moves you.

If you are interested in doing some kind of virtual BBG book club, I am down. If you are interested in joining the Uhura black sci-fi/fantasy book club give Quirky Black Girls a yell.

Anonymous Letter to Your Haters

2009-05-23T13:06:00.002-04:00

I know we deal in positivity in the Common Room but I HAD to re-post this. From a Facebook friend (who will remain anonymous unless they decide to make the claim):

Attention: Haters
Subject: Your Life

It occurred to me that last night (and most nights) you got dressed, put on make-up, cute clothes and stilettos (you looked really nice, btw) took a mode of transportation and somehow ended up in the same location with me, THEN made a conscious decision to sit on the wall (or stand in the middle of the floor, whatev), drinkless, not dancing and mean mugging me and my girls. I'm saddened that no one offered to buy you any drinks and based on that ugly face you were making indicating that you weren't having a good time, I'll assume you didn't budget properly to buy your own.

I feel so sorry for you since you clearly didn't have anywhere else to go (there was no cover, if you're weren't feeling it, you know you could've left right?) and you didn't have anything else to do except watch me and my peeps enjoy ourselves.

At the culmination of this memo, I'd like you to reevaluate your life. I'll dig the hole.

Don't act like you don't feel this way sometimes!!!!!! CLASSIC!

More Facebook Foolishness

2009-05-22T00:10:00.003-04:00

So, my girl was telling about this private message that she received on fb from some guy she doesn't know but accepted his friend request a while ago, not really thinking about it. This dude posts a comment, sometimes several, to every status update she makes. She said that she never responds because she doesn't know him. Understood. Seems harmless enough, I guess. So, this weekend, she changed her relationship status to single and received the following message (on the same day):

How are you doing today? I'm doing fine. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking bout you. I hope we can become real good friends and more. I wish we could be boyfriend and girlfriend if you wanted too. You are a very sexy, beautiful woman. I love those sexy lips of yours. What are you doing for your birthday?

Um, WTF?!? Then she goes to his profile for my added amusement and I swear this dude fabricated his interests to attract women. His favorite movies are the movies we had on constant rotation in our common rooms. What dude says his favorite movies are Love Jones, Love and Basketball, and Brown Sugar and his favorite books are romance novels? I know I'm totally playing into the gender roles stererotypes but come on, man. And, if you're gonna do all of that, at least put up a half way decent picture?

So my question is how would you respond to such a message?

*All names have been omitted to protect the innocent and ignorant.*

Facebook fooliness.. (a story in screen captures)

2009-05-15T23:08:00.010-04:00

So yesterday a single friend of mine posted an article about marriage on her facebook page. The article itself was cool, but as can be expected, the comments quickly deteriorated into the typical "Good Black men are hard to find" and "Y'all Black women are too picky," Below is the screen grab of the convo. I have blotted out the names to protect the ignorant. Notice the post before mine...

So pretty much, my intention was to a) "give a brotha a chance and b) maybe get some free dinner! (can't blame me for trying) Next thing I know I get this message in my personal inbox from the guy who posted before me... we'll call him E.

WTF!!!!! I think to myself...well you fit neither of my criteria... then there's not reason for me to call you...so i go on to bed and living my life...until i get this message tonight...read on...

i
So now I'm a little offended... okay... more than that, I'm starting to get pissy...so this is my reply...

"Hate to answer a question with a question... and i will try not to be combative... but dude... you don't know me and you just stepped to me with some real BS. you told me you were in a relationship, then gave me your number, then sent me an email entitled "offer" when i did not respond. What exactly were you offering me, E--? a chance to be your jump off? a chance to get you out of a complicated situation? a chance to get myself caught up in all of the unnecessary drama that black men and women embattle each other in? a chance to be "that girl" that brings hurt into another woman's life? it clearly wasn't an offer just to trade ideas...we could have done that on the wall post without needing a private message or things being complicated, or you passing a "litmus" test.

I'm grateful you were honest and up front, many people aren't even that up front. but dang really? And what makes it even more hurtful is that i asked my girl what your deal was and she told me exactly how successful and intelligent you are. I would have been just as happy talking to you as an interesting, non-romantic interest. But you took it to this other level where you frankly had no reason or business taking it.

Why did i have to establish the boundary? why didn't you? Because you have a Y chromosome? THAT is what frustrates me. So i will let our interaction be the response to your inquiry. Yes, it is difficult..because for some reason even seemingly intelligent men make the assumption that i just MIGHT be willing to pass on my standards and convictions for a compliment, or a hug, or a dinner or a good lay... and when they find out that i am a woman of substance (education and looks notwithstanding) they move on to something a little less challenging...often lesser quality, but something that makes it easy to dabble and let go when they are done. because they were never really interested in the substance that i had to offer.

do me a favor though, don't move on to the next thing until you properly finish with what you have on your plate now. And you should look at what you have now...it very well may be worth being actually COMMITTED to.

no animosity intended, i just wish brothers (of all race) didn't approach situations this way, and i wish even more that sistahs (of all races) wouldn't fall prey to the fear of loneliness to let them get away with it."

After sending this message of course, he's all upset and is like..."Oh it wasn't even like that, you jumped to a conclusion, I gave you my number so we could have a non-romantic discussion about the topic that was posted. Plus, as an intelligent woman you should know that I could just be meeting people people to help some of the single guys that I know find good women out there!" blah blah blah....

I just wanted to check with yal... do i look that stupid? Or could someone really be out of touch of how this whole thing could appear of base? ::sigh:: N**** aint ish, man....

Because We Once Discussed Fairy Tales...

2009-05-10T07:46:00.002-04:00

And because part of being a Bad Black Girl is being an ANGRY black girl.

And because this line is kick ass:

I’ve got another version of Snow White’s story I like to tell: Instead of a smiling, simpering dip$hit who simply loves scrubbing the stairs, Snow White sneaks away one day to raise an army. (She makes sure break that tattletale Magic Mirror first, so that he can’t rat her out.)

Yeah.

Finish it here.

The Kid is Back at It

2009-05-08T11:51:00.003-04:00

Waiting 2 Speak has re-opened for business:

As the recession deepens, words and statues should accompany public policies that consider a legacy of unequal distribution of resources and acknowledge a history of violence and of resilience. But few economists extend their analysis of the current crisis further back than the last decade. Which means the importance of houses--of land itself--to a long since distressed African-American community is dismissed in the scramble for better credit plans and harder stress tests. Which means that black farmers--yes there are still black farmers--continue to clamor for change they can believe in.

Our forgetting extends with each monument and each moment because we desperately want to believe a page has turned and the past is finally presenting us with a clean slate.

But even our blank sheets of paper are bloodstained.

In the meantime, the past roars in the silence.

Allez là.

We Collect Inspiration: Sarah Jones

2009-05-04T11:44:00.002-04:00

I think we should have Common Room: Bad Black Girl WebAwards. And I think Sarah Jones should get the first one:

Tony Award-winning monologist, UNICEF ambassador, firebrand and FCC-fighting poet -- Sarah Jones assumes as many roles offstage as on....

Read the rest here. Watch her now:

(H/T to Lady Tayari on the vid--Thanks as always!)

'House It Up' Award of the Year: Kyra Phillips

2009-04-30T14:02:00.001-04:00

i had to do a triple-take on this one. wow, kyra. wow.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/29/the-most-embarrassing-cnn_n_193095.html

Our Green Doppleganger: Ultraviolet Underground

2009-04-26T17:18:00.002-04:00

Those in the blog world may know about this already.

Ultraviolet Underground is a site that...

In an age where the idea of 'selling out' is congratulated, there are still many who remember a time when 'selling out' inspired contempt, not born of envy but of disgust. Art was celebrated for the skill and depth within the wielder. Sell-outs were typically wack cardboard cut outs of the real thing (and in reality still are) who accrued no respect.
At least a decent proportion of the music on the airwaves was acceptable to play in the listening range of children, in the not so distant past, but nearly overnight those values began to change, and those of us refusing to be fooled into dumbing ourselves down sought other alternatives.

...amongst other things. Other things includes a green mentality that puts our halogen bulbs and hybrid car ambitions to shame (check out Purple Mag #7, the official print version of the blog for examples).

I am fan because these guys challenge me to rethink my willingness to go green, my commitment to environmentally friendly alternatives and my appreciation of black underground activity all at once. And they are afrofuturistic.

One article in the latest Purple Mag had an exercise I thought folks in the Common Room might enjoy.

Plant Good Seeds

Uprooting and replacing unwanted thoughtforms/beliefs is a key action in any reprogramming regimen, and
mindgardens everywhere could use a serious overhauling in these days and times. The thoughts we pay
attention to will grow, and knowing this it is crucial we train our minds to stay focused on what should matter,
rather than what we dread.
On a scrap sheet of paper, take a moment to write out a list of the weeds currently in your mindgarden.
Whatever nagging negative thoughts, worries, or recurring situations that must have negative thoughts at
their root. When you've completed your list, take your list of weeds, and in the space below or on a separate
sheet of paper for a more elaborate collage of words and images, write out what you will replace them with.
e.g
Weed list:
'I release the obstacles interrupting my peace and creative flow.

Seed planting list:
'I plant seeds of plentiful hope and abundant resources that are required for my creative/expressive
endeavors.

(p.s. There is no byline to this page and the mag is open source/creative commons registered so I think it is okay to post this here. If not, feel free to correct me and I'll edit this post)

Anyway...

Shall we play? I'm going to try to go with my comment from IC's post:

I release my need to be liked in all situations which is really releasing my own insecurity that I won't be liked.

I plant confidence, a healthy self-image, and a totally zen state of mind. Because I wasn't given life to stress out about it siempre.

Peace yall.

I Got Issues, You Got Issues...

2009-04-24T13:01:00.003-04:00

This quote just came up in conversation with kismet and also resonated something I talked to cornflake girl about this weekend.

"All those issues you've had since you were 19, that you're about to carry with you into your 30's? Let those shits go."
~ WU Homie

So what is one issue that you would like to let go of before your 30th birthday?

Here are (some of) mine:
Fear of judgment/rejection/failure.
Men issues (haven't quite figured out exactly what they are but probably linked to the above).

Your turn.

International Black Girl Politics: No Hetero

2009-04-12T08:31:00.002-04:00

So this is going to be short and nasty because I'm on a pay-to-play internet USB.

1. I headed up to Toulouse with my new buddy for a huge Caribbean party. We shall call him Marcel.

Marcel is probably my second close but comfortably platonic male friend. (Close as in I talk to the dude on an almost daily basis where my other guy friends I talk to once a year) And I'm actually kind of excited about this because I was just discussing with IC how I seem to attract stalker-type-call-you-8-times-in-one-night-find-you-on-Facebook-through-your-email-address types (did I tell you about that? yeah, the kid blocked him). But I had a feeling I was good when it turned out that he has almost all close female friends and has a typical black man hankering for those the lighter, leaner, longer haired persuasion.

(For reference, the BBGs can keep in mind a certain male neighbor named J.M. whom we all love and adore.)

Anyway, it is fun to hang out with a guy who isn't secretly eyeing your bootie.

2. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with him and his homegirl, who we will call Elen. Elen I met through the same Caribbean circles as Marcel, she's from St. Martin. She was super cool, offered the floor of their hotel room free of charge, speaks English patiently with me, etc. Her other two homegirls are also very cool--either that or there is a francophone way of Zen that I would never find in the States. Super laidback. So I'm like, all relaxed, feeling cool, did some work in the hotel room and then we headed to the amphitheatre Zenith Toulouse and had been dancing all night at the party when the inevitable occurs...

3. A type of song called zouk comes on, which is Haitian, according to Elen, and is kind of like a grinding, fast-turning salsa. I LOVE it, precisely because it is so similar to salsa. But I'm not trying to grind on any of these dudes here (see #1) so I don't bother to try to dance. But Elen is like you have to try it and that one of her guy friends (who is actually her ex-something, we shall call him Ole Dude) was checking me out and seemed like he liked me and said he would come back to dance with me....

yeah.

(Okay, so you think you know what's going to happen here? Yeah, I did too. Not so much.)

Anyway, I'm kinda like, I'm cool because 1) duh, that's your ex and 2) you already told me earlier tonight that you broke it off with him because he was one of those stalker-type-call-you-8-times-in-one-night-etc., etc., etc. So why would I be interested? 3) I have a boyfriend and I don't want to send any mixed signals.

Well, she doesn't know me. So she doesn't know that I, too, do not want to be pursued (sorry boogie, I forgot to respond to that post but I feel you). But since she doesn't know me you would think that she wouldn't start trying to put me in awkward situations, right?

(Still think you know what is going to happen? If you do, you are better than me....)

5. Time passes, I dance, sit down, nap a bit (it's like 4 am at this point, we've been dancing, eating, hanging out since 1 pm). I wake up from my nap when Marcel comes by where me and one of the hotelmates is sitting. He's like, get up, Zouk is on and you should try it--

Pause: This is Marcel's mantra. Marcel is probably the only reason that I have not been a total archive head the last week and the only reason I even know any black people here. In ten days I went to Marseille, I went to my first Caribbean party, I hung out with a whole bunch of West Indians all week eating colombo chicken, tagiatelle (don't know if that word is right), researching Guadeloupe families and Martinique "coolie" trade, met some black girls who are down as hell, am even IN Toulouse because I was determined to stay home for Easter vacation to catch up and Marcel told me don't be a dumb ass. All the time forced to speak French because he is fluent in English but refuses to play that game. This is a long pause but important to say because I know that if he is offering to dance he is really just trying to show me not because he wants to grind on me.

Pause #2: He and all his homegirls are two years younger than me or more. Take that as you will.

--so I'm like, ok let's go.

So we start dancing. Marcel happens to take salsa class every Thursday so I know he knows his way around the dance floor and he knows I'm P.R. so he knows I know my way around a swinging two step. So we are spinning around the dance floor (spinning dude, it is hilarious, I really need to find somewhere to dance zouk when I come back stateside, maybe NYC?) and then we come up next to Elem. Who is dancing with Ole Dude (the ex-cum-stalker). And she gasps and slaps Marcel on the shoulder and says something in French about that not being Zouk that being something else. He does a shrug or something but then we are spinning again. Total fun, I am having a blast...

...and then I feel a hand on my arm and all of sudden, Elem is pushing me into Ole Dude's arms and she is partnering with Marcel. The old switcheroo.

?

Okay.

So.

Huh????

I play it cool--yes, I know. Rare. But I did. I'm like, ha ha ha with Ole Dude, and we dance two songs and then I disappear back into the crowd.

But I am PISSED!

First of all, wtf?!? I do not want to dance with random dudes! I know you don't know me, but dude--you Don't Know Me! How the hell do you just push me on someone randomly like that.

Second of all, wtf?!? No hetero dude! If you want Marcel, then do Marcel. There's nothing like that going on with us. It is a zouk so you have to grind a little, but come to find out, it isn't grinding really. It is hips, like salsa. And the closeness isn't the grinding, at least it doesn't have to be. It's the spinning. You whirl so fast that if you don't stay close to the man who is leading you, you are going to lose your feet and spin and fall or something--

I'm sorry. Let me step back. I'm a grown ass woman. I don't need to justify sh*t to her or anyone, especially not here in the Common Room. So I say again--if you want Marcel, then do Marcel. I don't want him. But dammit, say something like that, drop a hint. Maybe that's not the custom in black France, but it is in the states dude.

Well...let me stop. It should be.

*sigh.

International Black Girl Politics. IBGP.

That bullshit.

So after that, I'm totally irritated and still trying to be cool about it. I dance a little more with the other homegirl, but end up finishing my nap (it IS about 6am at this point).

6. So I get woken up to head out (6:30, 6:45 ish, still going strong). And my nap has refreshed me so I'm like its whatever. All chill. Elem seems to have forgotten the whole thing, at least in the English world me and Elem live in.

And then the French begins.

Apparently--and this conversation begins in the amphitheatre and continues all the way to the hotel room as though I don't understand a lick of French when in actuality I understand at least 50% of it and I get better the more it is spoken, so you can put me at about 70% of comprehension in this convo which is still perfectly ripe for misunderstandings so this post may have an addendum soon--

Apparently, Elem was telling the homies about what happened and that she went up to Marcel afterwards and was like what is going on and he was like dude, we were just dancing and apparently this is what happens in casual relationships and is casual casual and if it never really is and that he shouldn't have danced with me like that because then I might not have known the difference between just dancing and trying to get some and....

dude.

Now I know I did say I'm at 50-70% but I can't have gotten ALL of that wrong. Whatever the deal was, the zouk with Marcel had her all hot and bothered and swinging back and forth between "protecting" me and being mad at his apparent indiscretion.

Whatever.

Did I say already that I am a grown ass woman? I would like to choose to dance with whomever I want, whenever I want...oh, never mind. I head back to Aix on Monday so it isn't even that serious. Zen, cherie, Zen.

I should also say that in none of this did I get the impression that she was "vexed" with me, so at least there was that. You don't get chicks in the states who know to be mad at in the same situation. And I don't even know how I would have navigated that cultural and linguistic minefield if she had been.

Still, wow.

IBGP.

Can't live with em. Can't live without em.

Black Iconoclasm of the Week: Stevie Williams

2009-04-08T15:10:00.014-04:00

why is it still so affirming to see black people functioning outside of social norms?

this week's black iconoclasm is a pro skateboarder from west philadelphia.

stevie williams has a really unique style of skating that he attributes to growing up

in a spatial environment where physical "obstacles" were a reality that he learned

to use to his stylistic advantage. deep, stevie. deep.

i bought a skateboard as a birthday gift to myself this past february...a nice one that

i spent more money on that i should've, and i justified my purchase with the

philosophy that if i invested good money in my new hobby, i would take it more

seriously. i told myself i would practice for an hour each day on my lunch break at

work. that didn't exactly happen, and i haven't ridden it in about 5 weeks now. i fell

really really hard a while back and realized that i have become fragile in my old age,

and i've had trouble motivating to subject myself to the prospect of more pain.

(a metaphor for relationships?)

The Princess and the Frog

2009-04-06T19:25:00.003-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0j7EactM9s

oh disney, what have you done now? disney's first black princess, maddy, is a chambermaid for a white family who lives in the french quarter of new orleans in the 1920s. maddy is "sassy", of course, like all black women in the world are, and there are also some voodoo practicing antagonists, a singing alligator, her mother is a maid too, and (i hate to spoil the ending for you) the prince is white.

thoughts?

White Privilege-- Real Talk

2009-04-03T18:57:00.002-04:00

take a moment to watch it all the way through... then let the discussions begin.

I know many of you are familiar with Tim Wise...but I thought we'd bring him into The Common Room.

BACK OFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-03T11:40:00.002-04:00

From Bitter:

My mother always told me not to be a bitter woman; don’t hate men. She tells me to take responsibility for the role I play in my failed relationships. Men tell you who they are when you meet them and women think they can change them. Thank you mom, for the advice but it’s getting pretty difficult to remain sweet and smile things off, rather than become bitter like the ripest lemon. Because every time I walk down the street, a man/some men/some boys view my body as a receptacle for their mental waste. I become some kind of hip hop version of Lolita for old, tooth-less black men, and some kind of wild leaopard- Foxy brown concoction for white men in business suits in downtown D.C. I become anything but who I am. Incestuous desires are placed on me; slimy tongues are waved at me. Men in cars beep in synchronized melodies.

I never consented to this endless male conquest for entry into my vagina. After all, this is the fact of the matter. The deepest fact that we all know. I am not going to try to dress it up like it’s a simple issue of men not knowing how to properly address a woman. It’s more like: this is America. Every time I open a newspaper, watch TV, see an advertisement, there is some distinctly absurd ploy to make us, women, lose the double chin on our face, the “muffin top” on our waste, the wrinkles under our eyes, get new breast the replace the flat ones, stitch in new hair to replace the “bad” hair, and in many countries, massage creams that give us white skin. What are we doing this for? Was there a matriarchal shift in history where we demanded we transform and twist our bodies for our own good? I don’t recall. It’s all for the glory and feeling of being evaluated by the male eye. The status that comes with being looked at. Repeatedly. The howls of approval that one woman gets for wearing no more than a diamond studded bra and hot pants to a club. In every Seventeen magazine, I see these beautiful ploys: “Lose weight and make him yours.” But what if I don’t want to make him mine based on some mirage of a body I took diet pills to attain? What if I want him to like me, and not just the way I ride a pole or pussy pop or dip it low? What if I want him to like me for not consenting to his sexist behavior? I am upsetting the balance; will I ever find a man who can appreciate that...

Read the rest here. Then go Facebook Fan BackUp: Concrete Diaries.

#15. We Love Métis (or do we?)

2009-04-02T06:07:00.003-04:00

In France they love them some black women. And they are all convinced that I must mixed. Not because I am or because there is something ostensibly P.R. about me.

Academically I know that mulatre/mulatresse, cuarteronne, griffe were all 18th and 19th century outre-mer terms (colonial, department, French empire--basically anything not "metropole" specific although they were applied to people of color who lived in and migrated to France in the same years) used to describe people of African descent and the various mixtures.

And academically I know that those mixtures came with certain privileges and semi-corporate benefits: higher rank in colonial militias, sexual stereotypes, free status and the opportunity to accumulate wealth in property, slaves, goods.

And I know French people all tout the "we are one race" assimilation bit on the surface and then used and still use these gradations to full discriminate the next (a contradiction that isn't going to make much sense to one-drop Anglophones. And it is all a very crafty lie...kinda like our A.O. post-racial society? Yeah.)

But it is still interesting to be in a place where if you are lighter than average (average being dark African, at least in Aix) you are immediately marked as mixed=métis.....

...with all of the accompanying mating rituals (See #7)...

...which amuses me further because didn't I write a post about a year ago about the hyper-excited-foolishness that rains down on my big bootie after certain mainstream-minded black men find out I'm half Puerto Rican? Because clearly being "just black" wasn't enough to capture their attention.

This above applies exclusively to white men. The African men aren't bothered with the métis thing. They just like what they see and aren't afraid to holla. And the white (French) women here have not given me the time of day yet.

The France Post

2009-03-28T08:23:00.002-04:00

Kismet here. Checking into the Common Room from Aix-en-Provence, France. Because she needs some help. Ladies, let's discuss:

Black women (and by black, from now on, I mean African and Caribbean primarily because there aren't that many African-Americans here that I've met) and weave. Not braids or relaxers even. Just straight up Yaki. And me with my 'fro (which is definitely a 'fro since I need a serious trim and the curls are like yowza!) I get the funny look from white and black alike.
How the French LOVE them some Jason Mraz. He is everywhere--talk shows, late night shows, all over M6 the music channel. Really? And he can't speak a lick of French. Too adorable.
The power of the Euro over the $. Damn on you AIG et. al. Damn, damn, damn.
The power of the baguette. Daily (yes, daily). Damn on you boulangerie. Damn, damn, damn.
Why I get followed in stores until I say something in my AmeriFrench and then they are all smiles: Vous êtes, americaine! Ah, c'est bon! Here buy these boots! Promotion (sale)! Oh global racial hierarchies!
How I, the digital girl, has no internet at home.
How much I miss black men!
And on #7 note, international mating rituals. This should be a full post but the digital girl is living in an analog world. Short summary: Why did you call me eight times in one night? You met me three days ago and all I wanted was a language exchange. Dude.
Back to #7, internatinal mating rituals. Black men and white women? Everywhere. White men and black women? Not nearly as common. But I do a little dance inside everytime I see one.
Back to #8 and #9 but maybe not #7: There is an extremely attractive Asian guy who works at the archive. That is all.
Big in the fashion world here: Converse, gypsy pants, scarves, extensions (black and white), boots, very expensive face and body products. Sephora does not carry Carol's Daughter. H&M is more expensive here than the U.S. Blonds. Skinny jeans.
Big in the culture world here: Cezanne. He is Aix-en-Provence's big claim to fame I guess.
Big in the social world here: Strikes. All the time. Everywhere. Apparently big things happening on the university front though. I will try to read up on it and report back. Race is also huge and black pundits LOVE to use the U.S. as an example of how things should be/have progressed/Obama/Halle Berry/Denzel/Affirmative Action, etc. I find this amusing for all the obvious reasons.
Big in my world: Reading French faster and faster, can finally understand what is spoken on TV (even if I can't always translate it fully) and getting comfortable doing the 9-5 archive stint.

Start wherever you want. I need some amusement today.

Forgiveness...

2009-03-25T21:52:00.007-04:00

I recently had brunch with a friend who is a director of some sort at the UN. She focuses on developing international conferences that address HIV and AIDS in "third world" communities.

While we waited for the typical overly entitled NY waiter to refill our coffee mugs we began to discuss civil disputes, ethnic wars, and genocides in Africa. Our conversation was centered around three specific historical crisis: The Congo, The Rwandan genocide, and the ongoing crisis in Darfur.

Our conversation began first with the discussion of the disparity and gravity of the stories we had read about and heard re-told. After lamenting over the severity and complexity of these crisis, we began to speak about the stories we've heard where victims of horrible crimes were able to forgive their oppressers.

The stories about the victim who came face to face with the "monster" who raped them and their whole family.... BUT was still able to forgive...

The stories about the victim who met the soldier who killed her mother, her father and her children before her eyes.... BUT was still able to forgive...

The stories about the victim who interacted with the tyrant who killed his best friend, set fire to his village, and left him to seek refuge in a foreign community... BUT was still able to forgive...

I understand how its different...

I understand all of the reasons why we often don't forgive each other...

But when I think about how people across the world can find the ability, the compassion, and the LOVE to forgive someone who has done something that one could argue is unforgivable....

It makes me think that every once in a while... maybe I should re-evaluate my relationships...
my own grudges....
my own frustrations....
And figure out a way to forgive...

If someone can find a way to forgive someone who has tried to rip away everything they hold dear... I too should be able to forgive all the petty and simple things... the things that don't speak to my daily pursuit of happiness.

So... As I challenge myself to evaluate the situations I haven't let go of... the people who I refuse to forgive, the grudges I refuse to let go of... both small and big.... I would also like to challenge all of you to evaluate your relationships and ask yourself...

Is it truly impossible to forgive?

Or is it time for us all to take a moment...

And search for the ability to move forward and move on with compassion and love....

Much Love,

B.Lily

i don't want to be pursued.

2009-03-18T17:02:00.010-04:00

so, i had this epiphany the other night after a date with a really nice guy. (so, so sad, i know). the feeling started after i met two (seemingly nice) men (at a club, dammit) last friday evening. BOTH of them called the next afternoon to request my presence for that or the following evening. my FIRST reaction? not excitement or anticipation over the possibilities or nervousness about a date. rather, i was bothered. before you ask/wonder, both were pleasant, easy to talk to and acted in a gentlemanly manner on the phone. the reality is...

...i simply don't like being pursued. i haven't completely figured out why. i think it's because it can be with clouded or false intentions, b/c most guys suck at it and also b/c i am not trying to be nobody's full-time boo. however, i don't think any of these is enough to fully explain the level of agitation i feel when pursued by men. and it's not just these to two men; in reflection, i would say i am generally uncomfortable with being pursued.

i dunno, it is just weird for a guy to be "pressed" about getting to know you. if you JUST met me why are you trying to occupy so much of my time between dates, calls, texts and THEN you ask me for my email? DUUUUDE, back off. i need you NOT to have all my contact info. so, so sorry i let you pick me up for the first date. now you know where i live! ugh... i'd much rather the relationship develop organically and we see what happens. coming at me with the seeming intention of 1)laying my ass 2)booing me up in the somewhat immediate future is uncomfortable.

so those of you who don't know me are probably, at this point, asking yourselves, daaaammnnn...what happened to this chic as a child?! nothing, lol. but i would like some analysis, feedback and outside perspective.

oh, and PLEASE know, this shit right here don't help!

"F&ck what ya' heard!"

2009-03-12T20:23:00.008-04:00

so yea, it's '09 and i'm about to dispel/bring you up to date on a couple of items...

1. niggas ain't shit! (well, we have known this since we were, what? 8, 9, 12 yrs old?) well, females ain't either. which leads me into #2...

2. honesty is overrated...that shit don't get you NO MOTHERFUCKING WHERE! "Lie to me dammit, lie to me!" (Chris Rock, anyone?) he hit the nail on the head; people WANT to be lied to. (except me, lol). :)seriously, i don't, which leads me to...

3. Acting Accordingly in '09. Okay, so for those of you who don't know, acting accordingly is my mantra for the year (or indefinitely...as long as it takes me to get it right) which equates to acting your damn age. this might include but in NO WAY is limited to: getting your funds right, being honest, getting a new (or first) job, going to (or back to) school, or not fucking every tom, dick and harry (or sally). i have a couple of these on my list...for me, being honest (not mean) with primarily myself and others is part of acting accordingly. however, in spite of recent shenanigans, i am seriously thinking of going back to circa '07/early '08 and just doing whatever makes me feel good. hell, in a lot of ways, life is MUCH easier when you act now and beg for forgiveness later. hmm...i'll keep you posted on this one...

anyways, just needed to vent.

damn, it's hard out here for a bad, black girl.

The Red Pump Project

2009-03-10T11:12:00.004-04:00

Today is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I honestly would not have known that if it were not for The Red Pump Project. So head on over to the site for some information and inspiration to get involved.

Here are some stats from the website:

HIV/AIDS & Women Statistics

Statistics used are from the Center for Disease Control's website. Although these stats are only taking the United States into account, globally, HIV/AIDS is no less of a problem, especially for women.

Key Snapshot of the U.S. Epidemic Today
Number of new HIV infections, 2006: 56,300
Number of people living with HIV/AIDS: 1.1 million, including more than 468,000 with AIDS
Number of AIDS deaths since beginning of epidemic: 583,298, including 14,561 in 2007
Percent of people infected with HIV who don’t know it: 21%
HIV/AIDS & Women in the United States
------------------------------------------------
*There are approximately 1.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S. & almost 280,000 are women

*In 2006, there were 15,000 new HIV infections and 9,801 AIDS cases diagnosed among women

*There were 3,784 deaths among women with AIDS in 2006

*Among those who are HIV positive, 35% of women were tested for HIV late in their illness (diagnosed with AIDS within one year of testing positive)

*HIV is the 5th leading cause of death in women in the United States, ages 25-44

*High-risk heterosexual contact is the source of 80% of these newly diagnosed infections in women

*According to a CDC study of more than 19,500 patients with HIV in 10 US cities, women were slightly less likely than men to receive prescriptions for the most effective treatments for HIV infection

*Women with AIDS made up an increasing part of the epidemic. In 1992, women accounted for an estimated 14% of adults and adolescents living with AIDS in the 50 states and the District of Columbia. By the end of 2005, this proportion had grown to 23%

*From the beginning of the epidemic through 2005, almost 86,000 women have died of AIDS and AIDS-related complications.

*The largest number of HIV/AIDS diagnoses during recent years was for women aged 15–39

HIV/AIDS & Minority Women
-----------------------------------
HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects minority women in the United States. According to the 2005 census, Black and Latina women represent 24% of all US women combined, but account for 82% of the estimated total of AIDS diagnoses for women in 2005.

HIV is:

*the leading cause of death for black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years.

*the 3rd leading cause of death for black women aged 35–44 years.

*the 4th leading cause of death for black women aged 45–54 years.

*the 4th leading cause of death for Latina women aged 35–44 years.

*The only diseases causing more deaths of women were cancer and heart disease

*The rate of AIDS diagnosis for black women was approximately 23 times the rate for white women and 4 times the rate for Latina women

*In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%

These statistics were pulled from The Center for Disease Control's website and the Kaiser Family Foundation's Fact Sheets (which cited the CDC). Get more information about the effect of the epidemic from these sites.

BBGs and readers, please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Also, please share suggestions for ways that we can all be more involved in this cause that hits closer and closer to home everyday.

my conundrum...

2009-03-06T00:37:00.002-05:00

How do you navigate protecting yourself, when taking care of "You" is hurting someone you love?

I know its not healthy to offer one's self up as an emotional martyr....

I feel guilty for the moments of happiness I feel without him...

I feel conflicted in the moments when I desperately just want a shoulder or another perspective...

I feel stupid for crying in the face of some obvious incompatibility...

I feel weak for indulging my tendency to romanticize and reminisce...

I get nauseous from the self-loathing I feel when I know I've made him cry or messed up his day...

I get nauseous from the self-loathing I feel when I let his words or actions mess up MY day..

I find strength in my ability to call him and be friendly...

I find strength in my ability not to call him at all...

I want him to make this work with the new girl...I couldn't stand by and watch him hurting again

Part of me is terrified of being responsible for another's happiness...not sure i handle it well...

But I want him to make it work with her and not give up on our friendship...or at least the chance of our friendship...

I feel guilty for not being able to cut him off, for both of our sakes...

but is that right? I can only make the decision for me, right? I can't decide whats best for him...can I? That's not my place....

He blames me. I blame him and me... so it two against one right now...

Was I stupid for not just taking the bad with the good. Maybe no one is as happy as I think "happy" should be. Maybe that's as close as I was gonna get... maybe Happy Often was my best option? If it was your best option, its not settling right?

I'm 85% sure i did the right thing, even though it wasn't easy...isn't easy.

Shouldn't the right thing feel better though?

I hope my new healthcare plan covers a shrink...I just wish I knew how to feel better in all of this...

2009-02-22T21:51:00.001-05:00

something more

2009-02-22T11:26:00.001-05:00

ever get the feeling you need something more?
still figuring what "more" is. hmm...

Ohhhh...So THAT'S What That Strange and Pleasant Feeling is...

2009-02-20T08:20:00.002-05:00

...it's the feeling of home.

::exhale::

I've been mobile so long I didn't even recognize it at first.

And I only got it from the Chi.

Guess that's the winner.

venting...customer service, what?

2009-02-16T11:25:00.004-05:00

so, i think identity crisis posted on this topic awhile back. in her post, she mentioned customer service has improved due to the recession and people being very conscience about (potentially) losing their jobs. well, can someone PLEASE stop by the target at 14th & irving in the district? PLEASE?

so, i'm all happy, just left the gym from the BOMB workout, it's all of 10:30 and i need to make a return. head up to customer service, wait my turn and next i know, this chic is angrily waving me to her line. i greet her in a normal fashion, "hey, how are you?" while placing my bags on the counter. response (without looking at me), "you need to take your stuff out of the bag." So, of course, i gave her the "bitch please" look while taking the items out of the bag. then, i had to remember to channel my inner blacklily and kill this bitch with kindness. ugh...
so, i guess she didn't like the fat that i didn't hand her the items or receipt and simply left the items on the counter for her to deal with.
oops, i just did what you TOLD me to do...the items are now out of your bag.

so, she proceeds to abruptly return my items without asking me how i would like my money credited to me, looking at me or acknowledging me in any way. in fact, she went as far as to place my cash (which i didn't want) on the counter instead of in my hand. no joke. of course there was a convo with the M.O.D.

anyway, i just needed to vent 'cause there are 2 things i have no tolerance for: disrespectful kids & shitty customer service. however, i had to post in response that i have found customer service to be much more sub-par these days. i think a lot of his has to do with the stress level of employees. just know this, stressed or not, don't make boog act a badblackgirl.

Impress Yourself (A Purple Pill Reminder)

2009-02-14T18:20:00.004-05:00

Fear of what everyone else thinks is pretty much pointless.

THEY always thought you were an affirmative action student.

THEY always thought you progressed so far because someone, somewhere, got you in.

And THEY figure you'll never really succeed.

So impressing THEM is never really going to happen. And trying to impress THEM only validates their negative opinion of you.

Small minds breed small opinions.

And no one can convince you that you can do this except yourself. So you might as well stop running around looking elsewhere for your own good opinion of yourself.

Shake it off.

Give yourself your own good opinion of yourself.

Stop being afraid of negative outside opinion.

Impress yourself.

And you'll be fine.