...'nuff of that...
so, i make it home from work, pee, walk ms. thang and then get on facebook and my other assortment of banned sites that i can't access during the regular work day.
while on the beloved, yet devlish facebook, i see a good friend of mine and someone i consider to be like fam post the status update you see below:
the other comments follow and as you see, the kid got a liiitle excited on this topic. so in the same spirit of IC, let me know...was his apology enough? are we too caught up in pop culture? what about misogynistic views (am i missing the boat? is isht like this okay now?) oh and lastly, "really?!" to the ppl who's identity has been protected by the genius of the Maven...you wanna play the holier-than-thou judgment game? REALLY?!
6 comments:
My bad boo. I've been meaning to blog about the whole artist/hero/talented star v.s. man/woman thing with MJ, McNair, CB and even R. for a while. I will probably write a more intelligent post later but when I saw this video, I just had to post it.
So, I love your response. My thoughts/emotions were basically a rollercoaster ride when this whole thing was unfolding. I'm still not sure where I stand. Here's what I truly believe - Chris and Rihanna are just people. I wasn't surprised when she went back and I can't blame her for going back any more than I can any other woman. I've seen women whose job it is to prevent to DV stay in, and return to, abusive situations so I can't expect Ri to be any different. I also can't say I was surprised that CB did what he did especially after growing up with DV in his home and not getting help for it. So at the end of the day, they are troubled people who need help who happen to be in the public eye.
That being said, I'm uneasy with Chris. I'm uneasy with quick forgiveness and just moving on, esp. because you want something from him - a performance, a new album, or just more posters to put on your wall. The crazy thing to me is that your friend is mirroring the abusive relationship pattern and she ain't even dating him. "Girl he said he was sorry and he's getting help and did you see what he just bought me, the trip he's taking me on, the way he said he looooooooooves me? What else do you want from him?" You know how I feel about this. Whatever he is offering just ain't worth it.
I don't know what the appropriate response is. I don't know if boycotting his music (or just pirating it) is the answer. I do know that it's not that simple. I need him to acknowledge that he is a work in progress. I need him to be honest about the help he needs and the help he is getting. I need more than 2 minutes and I need more than five months. I need him to say WHAT he did. I need him to admit that it wasn't the first time. I need more than "I am sorry and it won't happen again." If I am honest with myself, I need him to be vulnerable. I need him to get REAL HELP not just "anger management" and let the world into the process. I need him to do more than the average man because my cousins are watching him and so are their future bfs, hell some of our future bfs. I need more because somebody's life is depending on it.
Counterpoint: No it is not enough.
And I hope that he appreciates why I would feel like it is not enough. Even as I appreciate the gesture.
Should he put real action behind his words--counseling for himself, and money behind DV work--I might begin to feel differently.
And I say that justifiably because just as he has a relationship with Rhi he has a relationship with us, the public. Boys and girls. Men and women.
And here he sounded scarily like an abuser in the high point of the cycle where they are just soooo contrite, and sweet and look they were so abused--and we forget that we are the abused.
I wonder how many times he will cycle before we decide we are leaving for our own self survival--or get killed. And before we do some more critical analysis on how and why he was created--because he is every man we know. it isn't pathology that makes a man hit or rape. its in the fucking water. because "If men have been raised to behave aggressively, to discount what women and weaker men want and feel and say, to obtain power and social standing through force, to deny emotions exist, to feel that women are fundamentally a different species, to set a boundary and keep it NO MATTER WHAT, to make a decision and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT, to feel entitled to sex, to feel they will be ostracized and possibly physically attacked if they don’t acquire sex with women, to feel under threat of harassment and attack if they don’t constantly maintain a hyper-masculine exterior, to prove their manhood through dangerous and degrading physical activities…
if you have seen men behave in this way, and encouraged it, and thought it was normal, so normal you didn’t even see it…
then you never have the right to say “He couldn’t possibly have done that” when you hear that your brother raped somebody."
And I am scared for Rihanna.
I don't have a more coherent response than this. And I feel IC's comment. But I'm not willing to be this compassionate when it comes to my daughter's life. not this soon at least.
And on this agree with boogie WHOLEHEARTEDLY-- We forgive black men too easily and we defend black women too grudgingly. It is foolish to act as though confronting the threats to our own lives (black women) we somehow undermine the entire community (i.e. black men). The community is made up of us too, however we define it, and we have the right to demand that our men do the work that it takes to save our own lives. CB needs to do that, for the role model he is and purports to be. And for Rihanna and whoever his next girlfriend or wife is.
(And it is DUMB to trade forgiveness for BEATING A WOMAN in exchange for an MJ tribute. WTF?)
So Wendy Williams is on my TV. I didn't turn to it. Don't judge me.
She just played the video and then said something about people needing forgiveness but the "proof is in his next album." WTF. What does forgiveness have to do with his music?
And did anyone catch how angry he seemed when he said "I TOLD Rihanna countless times...?"
I just keep getting more pissed about this. I didn't even think I would go there when I posted the video but damn.
I don't condone this (seriously) but the trending topic on twitter is #chrisbrownshirt:
https://twitter.com/#search?q=%23chrisbrownshirt
as @dopegirlfresh put it, "due to the fact that NOBODY took him seriously"
if i am Me, it is only the company i keep
Here's the thing. What Chris Brown does to Rihanna or how he apologizes to her is none of my business. And because he's a celebrity I have somehow convinced myself that his personal life, his demons, his recovery and/or lack thereof is my business.
It's not.
So my counterquestion is: Is the apology enough for what? For me to buy his music, listen to his music, support him? Is his apology enough to make domestic violence go away, to keep young kids from violent situations, to carry all of the problems of DV on his back. Man, hell naw. He's one young ass boy. Breath smellin' like Similac. (LOL, sorry, couldn't resist.)
But I'm going to argue that Chris Brown isn't the problem. People not teaching their kids right from wrong and DV in so many homes is the problem.
I agree with ol' girl on facebook. I want to see this boy's MJ tribute so bad.
In real life, if you beat your wife, you still get to go to work the next day. That doesn't make beating your wife right, but it doesn't mean you can fix a car or design a computer program or cook a meal at a restaurant.
Chris Brown is an artist, a singer and a dancer and I'll be damned if that boy doesn't get back on somebody's stage ASAP. I'm not buying his music, but hell, I never did.
And Miles Davis was a wife beater. Terrance Howard was a wife beater. (If you say you never saw The Best Man, you're a lie and the truth ain't in you). MJ played with little boys, R. Kelly played with little girls... it's not right, but you can't deny their talent. People you know and talk to (and work with) every day used to beat their wives and/or girlfriends.
I'm not making a case for wife beaters, I'm just saying the problem exists and focusing SO much attention on Chris Brown who represents a tiny percentage of men who act a damn fool is counterintuitive and again, I feel like it's none of my business and until CB starts signing my checks, I can't say I give two damns.
http://www.theroot.com/blogs/insincerity/when-sorry-isnt-enough
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