California Love

Countdown is TOO official...



...be on the look for Cali love of the week over the next 4 weeks. Who's got next?

in a sentimental mood

consider this a "redux" of the previous post.

i just realized...i get really sentimental/moody/needy around this time of year. i could attribute it to any number of things. however, i am sure it has to do the high frequency of bbg b-days between dec-feb (therefore celebrations) and the reunions we were previously so damned good at creating.

immense amounts of love and miss.

I Miss You All...

individually and collectively.

I could use a real common room space with good food, drinks, chocolate chip cookies, and caramel cake. Until then, I'll be reaching out to each of you in some way, shape, or form in the coming weeks for random conversation and support. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some as well.

BTW - Who's going to see The Princess and the Frog this weekend?

Maven Metaphor 8/21/09: the beginning of Real Talk PSA

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today about relationships. I'm not sure if it was my own financial crises pushing their way to the forefront of my consciousness as the conversation wore on, but something struck a chord with me. All of the sudden, I found myself able to articulate my thoughts about imbalanced relationships.

real talk PSA: you have no credit history. you're overdrawn. your account is inactive... please know that your emotional investments operate a lot like your financial ones: there are penalties for trying to take out more than you put in. --the Maven

In case you are wondering, My goal is to generate at least 365 of these bad boys...enough for our very own BBG inspirational "quote-a-day" calendar. Hallmark is making a killing on those bad boys... we can't let them corner the market!

So WHEN (not if) your life inspires a "real talk PSA," jot it down and post it. Feel free to source other BBGs world wide...just remember attribution is key! Only 364 to go! =)

"F&ck what ya' heard!"

so yea, it's '09 and i'm about to dispel/bring you up to date on a couple of items...

1. niggas ain't shit! (well, we have known this since we were, what? 8, 9, 12 yrs old?) well, females ain't either. which leads me into #2...

2. honesty is overrated...that shit don't get you NO MOTHERFUCKING WHERE! "Lie to me dammit, lie to me!" (Chris Rock, anyone?) he hit the nail on the head; people WANT to be lied to. (except me, lol). :)seriously, i don't, which leads me to...

3. Acting Accordingly in '09. Okay, so for those of you who don't know, acting accordingly is my mantra for the year (or indefinitely...as long as it takes me to get it right) which equates to acting your damn age. this might include but in NO WAY is limited to: getting your funds right, being honest, getting a new (or first) job, going to (or back to) school, or not fucking every tom, dick and harry (or sally). i have a couple of these on my list...for me, being honest (not mean) with primarily myself and others is part of acting accordingly. however, in spite of recent shenanigans, i am seriously thinking of going back to circa '07/early '08 and just doing whatever makes me feel good. hell, in a lot of ways, life is MUCH easier when you act now and beg for forgiveness later. hmm...i'll keep you posted on this one...

anyways, just needed to vent.

damn, it's hard out here for a bad, black girl.

Staying in Your Lane: Other People's Relationships

So b. and I were hanging out last week and the question came up, "what would you do if you knew your friend's partner was cheating on them?" We both said that it would depend because some women would either not believe you or choose to stay with their partner anyway, ruining the friendship. Sound familiar? This brought up a few questions that I have for you ladies:

• Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
• Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
• If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
• What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
• Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?

Ummm do you guys remember her???

Okay I was going to be discreet and send an email... but heck why not just write a blog! =)

I just got a friend request on facebook from a Jani. On her info it said she was Wash U '04... but i am blanking! I'm usually very good with names and faces, so thats why i'm stumped. Help a sista out before i accept or ignore this request....


I KNOW this is triflin' but humor me, ladies! (And if she friends the rest of yal don't put me on blast!)

Recent Revelation #4: It's Okay....

...to be alone. That was a big one. Attaching myself to Facebook because I miss my family, Flava, the BBGs, or Mr. is not a healthy way to enter my 27th year.

Growing up. Not an easy thing to do.

Ode to Peer Pressure

OKAY I'M POSTING!!!!

lol

The things I do for you!!!!

I can say though, that I count myself very blessed to have friends in my life who have only pressured me to good things...(for the most part. Kis, our bauhaus outfits were borderline freshman year... I blame you for that! =p)

Oh and Mardi Gras.... who the hell dragged me to Mardi Gras?! LEM? Was that you or Jay???

And Lem, I'm pretty sure I smoked my first clove with you on the patio of SAE, and you got mad at me because I tried to light the wrong end!

okay but other than that, you guys never got me into anything bad....

There was the time that I blew off a paper to go on a float trip down the Merrimac with Robynn and Mindy, and had to pull an all nighter with sunburn, mosquito bites, and the worlds worst hangover.

But other than that, nothing really bad....

Except that one W.I.L.D. when we broke into the Womyn's Center so we could drink w/o getting rained on... or should I say "I" broke in, with a leg up from J and Celi....

Okay how about, you guys never got me into anything bad that we got busted for?! Yes that sounds about right....

For that I count myself very blessed. =)

...I bet you think this song was about you! you're soo vaiiinnnn...

okay, so i got carried away with the title line alone.

make it about you. do what YOU need to do. i would not in the midst of needing to figure out what you need for the relationship, make an effort to succumb to someone else's needs.

dunno if i ever told you this, but you remind me a lot of my sister in this regard. reading this post made me think of her. ...i digress...

so, when she said the same thing about me (our convos being about ME. i know, go figure), i gave her a minute to chill. in our case, she was a little upset. when we resumed talking (it wasn't long) i made a concerted effort to not focus on me as much. however, i could only do this because sis shared her feeling with me. be open. be honest. then pull back if you still feel the need to.

hope this helps.

You're so vain...

So, I've got a situation for y'all and I'd love everyone's input.

Without giving too much detail, I've recently stopped talking to friend because I was unhappy with the imbalance that I saw in the relationship.  I haven't had the conversation with them because I am still trying to put to words what I feel is going on (basically that the friendship revolves around her and her needs and when I need something it is not reciprocated) and what my role is in it.  In addition, I've had some family things going that have taken priority over my plans to communicate with her.  In meantime, she has contacted me telling me to call her back, asking if we can friends, telling me her travel schedule because she wants to see me, etc.  I have not responded to any of these attempts at contact.  Why?  Something about the IMs, text messages, voicemails etc. seems to be all about her.  There appears to be little concern about what is going on for me and why I possibly could have retreated from our friendship.  I also feel like I now have to defend my actions and feelings.  One of you ladies noted that I can be passive-aggressive and I agree.  Maybe that's what's going on here but maybe I also need time and space.  Is that too much ask?  Can I have time to sort things out and address them in my own time?  Can it not be about you but about me figuring out what it is that I need to do?  Can I have time to figure out how to address this and how not to let the pattern continue?  Can I not have contact with you if I so choose?  Can this not be about you for once?

Am I being passive?  Possibly, but the continued questioning is making me defensive and aggressive.  My roommates can tell you that when I'm not doing well, I retreat into my own space, trying not to impose upon anyone.  Trying to figure out what's wrong with me or talking about what you think is the problem is futile and often counterproductive.  Can I do this my own way and in my own time?  Or should I rush to your side to calm your fears in my time of confusion and discontent?