Happy Anniversary NOLA

Still swingin.

Outkast - idlewild blue (dont chu worry bout me)
by badeur17139

Real Talk PSA: Don't Front on the Sexy IT Guy

Sure, he may own one too many polo shirts, but ladies please don't hate on the hidden sexy of the quiet unassuming "techie"...you are gonna need someone to defragement you hard drive sooner or later... literally and euphamistically.

These Degrees...

We have all seen those articles about educated black women not being able to find a mate, well a black male mate. We've even debated them in almost every form of communication. However, I still can't get over the reaction of certain men when I tell them that I have (or was pursuing) a master's degree. I've gotten a few interesting reactions but none as startling as this one:

Last month, I was out celebrating a friend's birthday. The last bar closes and we are hanging around outside trying to figure out where we are heading next. People break off into their groups (another post) and I ended up talking to a guy who was waiting on his friend to close up the bar. We make normal small talk and appear to be hitting it off really well. I don't remember what we were talking about but I mention something about teaching. He got super excited about that for some reason. "Oh, you teach?! What do you teach?" I tell him that I used to teach but just recently completed my masters in counseling and was looking for work. He then goes into some crazy mumbling about how a bachelors was enough for him, especially because of the loans, how he can't find work in his field, and how the government is coming after him to pay back his loans and might even garnish his wages. I try offer some friendly suggestions but I'm thinking "For real, dude? TMI." At this point, the birthday girl's phone rings (of which I have possession for the safety of all parties) and allows me to exit this drama stage right.

Ladies and gentleman, what the hell? Does an advanced degree, or not having one, really come with all of that baggage? Does it matter that I must have at least a masters degree to work in my field? Men, is it important for you to have the same or more education than your significant other? Ladies, have you encountered men who are uncomfortable with your education? Has this played a part in your decision to pursue an advanced degree? Would you date a guy with less education than you?

Personally, I would like to think that it wouldn't matter to me what level of education a man had as long as we were able to have intelligent conversation and it wasn't an issue for him. However, all the guys that were not "on my level" education wise have made it an issue. Maybe its something I'm doing wrong but I'm proud of my education. I must admit, though, over the past year I've talked about my education a lot more than usual when first meeting people to explain why I didn't have a "job." I'm used to working, being independent and going to school. So this past year has been really uncomfortable, but my degree, and the pursuit of it, kept me warm.

I hope I didn't/don't sound like this though.

School Spirit Skit 2 - Kanye West

Supernova

MR HUDSON [FEAT KANYE WEST] - SUPERNOVA from MrHudson on Vimeo.

This song is my current On Repeat.

Maven Metaphor 8/21/09: the beginning of Real Talk PSA

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today about relationships. I'm not sure if it was my own financial crises pushing their way to the forefront of my consciousness as the conversation wore on, but something struck a chord with me. All of the sudden, I found myself able to articulate my thoughts about imbalanced relationships.

real talk PSA: you have no credit history. you're overdrawn. your account is inactive... please know that your emotional investments operate a lot like your financial ones: there are penalties for trying to take out more than you put in. --the Maven

In case you are wondering, My goal is to generate at least 365 of these bad boys...enough for our very own BBG inspirational "quote-a-day" calendar. Hallmark is making a killing on those bad boys... we can't let them corner the market!

So WHEN (not if) your life inspires a "real talk PSA," jot it down and post it. Feel free to source other BBGs world wide...just remember attribution is key! Only 364 to go! =)

the politics of marriage

So, i was privy to a situation between a husband and wife at the j-o-b today (which admittedly is foreign to me given my "single" status). Don't ask why "single" is in quotations, lol.

background: work is killer right now. my unit has some huge projects under-way. very stressful, but potentially fruitful and definitely exciting projects. we will be working late nights (8-10pm in office) and early mornings (6-7 am start times) for probably the next week or so.

characters: self. you all know me, so i won't get into heavy character descriptions here. young (recent college grad) staff assistant (SA) and her NEW, younger husband (SAH). SA & SAH are african-american, pretty devout Christians and fairly conservative in general. SA is ivy-educated, YES she is attractive (for the male readers) and generally speaking, a well-rounded girl. Within the confines of our office and unit, she rarely has an issue sharing her opinions and makes very good decisions.

setting: office. approaching 8 o'clock hour.

SAH calls (not the first time since i've been over-seeing final pieces of tonight's project). He's downstairs, waiting on wifey to buzz him up. i come down to let him in so SA can keep working. of course, he is disappointed to see not his lovely wife, but my slave-driving ass come down to greet him with a marginally warm "hello." (sorry folks, it's the best i can do on 4 hours sleep, deadlines and with someone else's man). ok, so he's peeved, i would be too.

we make small talk on the ride up to the top floor. (ok, i have to interject some judgmental, albeit descriptive things i noticed.) 1. he didn't wait for me to exit the elevator first, he got off and waited for me to let him past our secure office door. 2. he then walked through the door in front of me and proceeded to SA's office. So, yea, fail on chivalry. he comes into the office, i step out so they can have a moment to greet one another/small talk. shortly after i return to the office, SAH makes a point to say (i think more for me than for her), "hun, b/c you have to be back by 6am, i need you to be done, ready to go, by 9."

OF COURSE the kid peeped this something strong. ok. imma let that pass. my brain interpreted this comment 2 ways simultaneously: 1. he is concerned for her well-being and wants her to get a good night's rest and have some balance between work and personal life. 2. he is controlling and concerned about getting home and watching the T.O. show.

so SA and I are grinding it out. as time wears on, i watch him monitor the time and give "gentle" reminders. as 9 swiftly approaches, he begins to huff and puff, tap his foot and make far less "gentle" reminders such as, "babe, you know i love you, but you've got to make some decisions." Now again ya'll know me, so you can only imagine what I am thinking. Okay, in case you're wondering, it went a little something like this, "she has decided to get this work done so we don't loose our damn jobs."

9:02 p.m., SAH: "babe, i really love you and you know this, but you need to decide what makes a happy home." Ok. So at this point, i'm like, "this is real not cute for ANY of us." combined with, "oh no he didn't." and "oh wait, yes he did and i kinda respect it." and don't forget, "nigga, she is keeping home happy by making this money to support your ass!"

SA promptly turns to me and says, "um, boogie, i can't stay. i really have to get home. i can finish this in the morning when we get back." (note, she doesn't provide one of the more professional responses including, but not limited to: "i can get it to you later tonight", or "by 11 and i will email it" OR "oh, hun, i need to stay 20 minutes and finish a critical piece to ensure completion by 8 am tomorrow"). SA then quickly turns off laptop and packs it up before i can ask where she stands on completing the task.

My response was no where near, "girl, i know, it's late, we need to get out of here. rather, it went a like, "oh, well, where do we stand? in reviewing the pages you just gave me, we have some corrections to make before print tomorrow AM." i proceed to point them out to her, at the same time pointing out she needs to email me her latest draft so that I can continue working...TO GET THE JOB DONE.

now, i MUST acknowledge my single, heterosexual, liberal, feminist, independent,task/goal-oriented nature/persona. however, something about this entire situation rubbed me the WRONG FUCKING WAY! at the same time, i MUST acknowledge my single, never-married, no-children, young, task/goal-oriented status which limits my perspective on "what makes a happy home" between man and woman.

so, i need some feedback on what i witnessed. was this "typical?" (right, whatever THAT is...) did she abandon her job duties? would men expect their woman to leave work behind and come home to "make a happy home?" would women out there leave work (under a partner's command/request) to "make a happy home?" what makes a happy home? clear, shared expectations? demands? semi-reasonable requests on occasion?

again, i understand there are dynamics in play which i may not understand b/c i am have never been and am not currently married.

brothers, speak to me.

i know my ladies are gonna chime in.

More Insurgent Princessing

or some such. :) FTW.