Last month, I was out celebrating a friend's birthday. The last bar closes and we are hanging around outside trying to figure out where we are heading next. People break off into their groups (another post) and I ended up talking to a guy who was waiting on his friend to close up the bar. We make normal small talk and appear to be hitting it off really well. I don't remember what we were talking about but I mention something about teaching. He got super excited about that for some reason. "Oh, you teach?! What do you teach?" I tell him that I used to teach but just recently completed my masters in counseling and was looking for work. He then goes into some crazy mumbling about how a bachelors was enough for him, especially because of the loans, how he can't find work in his field, and how the government is coming after him to pay back his loans and might even garnish his wages. I try offer some friendly suggestions but I'm thinking "For real, dude? TMI." At this point, the birthday girl's phone rings (of which I have possession for the safety of all parties) and allows me to exit this drama stage right.
Ladies and gentleman, what the hell? Does an advanced degree, or not having one, really come with all of that baggage? Does it matter that I must have at least a masters degree to work in my field? Men, is it important for you to have the same or more education than your significant other? Ladies, have you encountered men who are uncomfortable with your education? Has this played a part in your decision to pursue an advanced degree? Would you date a guy with less education than you?
Personally, I would like to think that it wouldn't matter to me what level of education a man had as long as we were able to have intelligent conversation and it wasn't an issue for him. However, all the guys that were not "on my level" education wise have made it an issue. Maybe its something I'm doing wrong but I'm proud of my education. I must admit, though, over the past year I've talked about my education a lot more than usual when first meeting people to explain why I didn't have a "job." I'm used to working, being independent and going to school. So this past year has been really uncomfortable, but my degree, and the pursuit of it, kept me warm.
I hope I didn't/don't sound like this though.
School Spirit Skit 2 - Kanye West
2 comments:
i have encountered (dated/been in relationships with) men who have displayed some level of discomfort with my education/pedigree/goals.
the past relationship which comes to mind was one where at the time, we were both "equally sowed" with bachelors degrees. at the time i was with him, i was in school trying to finish up my teaching certification program and considering which degree would come next. what i found with him was he was uncomfortable with hanging out in a large group of my friends who he perceived to be too smart, focused, etc. in jest, he would refer to them as dorks, etc. it only partially bothered me. however, outside of his comments, he was a very good sport.
currently, i am spending time with someone who doesn't have an advanced degree and is working in education but as a paraprofessional. Hmmm...
...he hasn't mentioned my degrees at all and has only glazed over the fact that he would like to go back to school(could be a red flag within itself). this is not currently prohibiting me from getting to know him better; however, it is making me think long and hard about what i am/could be comfortable with.
In no way would a man (getting, being pursued by or keeping one) going to stop me from doing me. in regards to education, finances, career status, etc.
it can be difficult to navigate, but in the end, as we know, he wasn't worth the time you spent having the convo with him if he's thinking/acting the way he is.
DO.YOU.
I can't speak to all your situations, but this comment is just based on the one situation illustrated here.
I don't have an advanced degree and coming from the other side, I think you may have misinterpreted dude. I loathe advanced degrees (for me). I'm not the biggest fan of men with them either because they think they're God's gift to women (in my experience) and/or they have jobs that are indicative of having a higher degree, which leaves less time to wine and dine me (selfish, I know).
All that said, because I don't have anything to offer by way of experience when it comes to advanced degrees, I typically talk about how I'm done with school, I hate school, I don't see how people do it, how it cost too much, etc,etc. I now see (from writing it down and sounding silly and from your post) that that's probably not the right approach.
LOL!
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