A Nerd We Can Believe In

More economy hilarity. This is from pre-election, I assume, but it is still funny and applicable now.

First Kiss at the Altar?

I was just watching the news and I saw this story. I must say that I was shocked - not that the couple didn't have premarital sex but that they went to such great lengths not to even touch each other. On TV, they said they sat at a distance from each other while watching movies. I'm wondering who the other adults were that chaperoned their dates at home. I applaud their conviction and willpower but this would definitely be a bit too much for me.

Thoughts?

Cough.. Is this a must see???

Read article about the movie below:
http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2008/11/28/in-limited-theaters-rome-and-jewel-with-nate-parker/

Questions/Comments:
1. Why are we still telling this story? No really.. please tell me why?
2. Will you go see it?
3. Despite this great film.... Cough... I am still a NP fan... Yep. sure am.

What I Learned--Thanksgiving 2008 Version

Yesterday I learned....

• That Little Sis (b.k.a. K. Iris) drives me bananas because she fights just like I do. Relentlessly and on the verge of Dirty. I know that will make us successes one day, but yesterday--over a Scrabble game no less--it was just annoying.
  
  
• That despite the craziness K. Iris drives me too, I love her to death and am so impressed with the young woman she is growing up to be. And with FuBILOD (future brother-in-law-one-day), who is the best thing that ever happened to her. I love them both.
  
  
• That my BMI is five points higher than it should be. How did I learn this? Damn Wii board my mother has which measures your weight...and then adjusts your Wii icon accordingly. So now my Wii icon has a little belly around the middle. Wtf? So I was at Bally's today, with Nunez Mom, sweating over a treadmill. And I can't wait to get back to the DMV so I can find my way to the campus gym and my Afro-Cuban dance class.
  
  
• That my aunt is way more politically saavy than I ever thought she was. We talked about politics (national and Chicago) ALL evening. Thanks Barack!
  
  
• That Chicago white people are still the coolest white people I know. No bull. By Chicago I mean born and bred--no yuppies allowed.
  
  
• That my Puerto Rican mother makes awesome sweet potato pie.
  
  
• That my Puerto Rican grandmother thinks Mexicans talk too loudly on the phone in public (because you NEVER hear Boricuans on the phone on the CTA? Come on....)
  
  
• That Mr. is on my mind all the time, but especially at holiday time. He should have come up here for Thankgiving. :(
  
  
• That my (light-skinned) Puerto Rican cousin is way more racially saavy than I ever thought HE was ("I can't go canvassing in Indiana for Barack--do you see what color I am? I won't make it back!") Of course, he did actually canvass in Indiana and Ohio. Which just shows how awesome he is.
  
  
• That my aunt does not follow Regla Ocha, but she is a believer. And I learned this because she began ranting that a Catholic priest, a rabbi, a Greek Orthodox priest, and a high priestess santera are needed to remove the Cubs curse. (Word??? That's a lot of firepower you're calling on Tia. Then again....)
  
  
• That Nunez Abuela has never heard the song, "My President is Black," but either way, "He isn't black. He is black and white. And we voted for him because we wanted him as our President. Not because he was black." And that I choose to see the positive and the all affirming humanity in that statement, although it did make me a touch suspect. (As suspect as the cell phone remark, abuela?)
  
  
• That my aunt, as Catholic as any Rican I know, not only stated that she firmly believes Catholic priests should be able to marry, but that Catholic priests who molested young boys had nothing to do with them not being able to marry or being gay, "because if they hadn't done it in the Church, they just would have been your neighborhood child molester," and in fact, that gay priests should be ordained because of the aforementioned reason and because their faith is as strong as anyone else's. (I love my family) She also said, and I quote, "If I want to have premarital sex, that is between me and my God." (I LOVE my family)
  
  
• That Chicagoans--or maybe just my family--are a spiritual people. And baseball is part of that spirituality.
  
  
• That, at least according to my text message inbox, I am very loved by a wide range of people. And that my linesisters and I have gotten more and more creative with the text messages. Which I hope only shows that our bond is getting even stronger. :) So I'm thankful for all those who "texted" me, and all those who thought of me over the holiday, and even all those who did not. Danken!
  
  
• That I still dislike green bean casserole.
  
  
  
• That I still cry when I think of Barack as the Prez. In public. Without shame.
  
  

Chime in anytime.

Obama Thanksgiving

The rest of the pics are over at YBF. And yes--I teared up. Again. I still love it.

Happy Black Friday to my favorite stylistas: Black Lilly, Cornflake Girl, & Maven. I know we all do great things with our look, but we also know who really gets down with the fashion world.

My Thanksgiving story coming soon--as soon as these last applications are turned in. I've been getting a lot of work done here at home BBGs. I may become a professor yet!

Be back soon.

Happy Thanksgiving... HATERS....

**I apologize in advance for the pixel-ation in some places.
The FlipCam does not have adjustable focus or contrast settings!

Lady O, "The Stay at Home Mom"...?

So, I was at the airport relishing in my love for the BB (I don't have to buy over-priced magazines, newspapers or annoy the clerks by reading all of them instead of purchasing) and reading the latest on CNN. com. I came across this article about Lady O being the new stay-at-home mom. Of course this caught my eye. I have strong feelings about stay-at-home moms, especially well-educated stay-at-home moms. My fellow contributors know this well, as this has been a reoccurring conversation amongst us all. So a few questions came to mind immediately:

Since when is being fist lady the equivalent of a traditional stay-at-home mom? (This is not to take away from her commitment to Malia, Sasha, Barack and their new home...but forreal?)

Has Michelle named herself a stay-at-home mom? (She may have, and I may have missed it.)

Can someone help me tap into the pride that comes with being an educated stay-at-home mom (as apposed to an educated, employed, mother, spouse/life partner who can TRULY do it all).

One last reason I am not really feeling this whole Lady O as a traditional stay-at-home mom is because her appeal is built on the fact that she represents a myriad of women...those who work AND have a strong commitment to family. Sistahs (of all racial/ethic backgrounds, nationalities) look at Lady O in awe and are constantly reminded, "this is one bad chic!" If her role was defined as only a "stay-at-home mom" her appeal would not have been as far reaching. no doubt.

Lurker Monday Re-dux: Bad Black Girls Read

Maybe this will jump start some book club-esque like discussion.

Found this old (1995) review of two African art exhibitions at the Museum for African Art in Soho. Interesting. I looked it up because one of the artists for the first exhibition, an Ivorian painter named Gerard Santoni, passed away recently. Some of you know I assist with visual literacy workshops at my current place of academic residence, and I do diaspora. All told, I am pushing myself to learn more and more about African (diaspora) art. It is just too bad--and my own fault--that I often happen upon things as people make their way towards the ancestors.

Anyway, ramble ramble, here is the article I came across. And a piece of Santoni's obituary written for H-AfrArts by Jerome Vogel:

Gerard, child of an Ivorian mother and French father, was born in
Divo, Cote d’Ivoire in 1943. He was educated through high school in
Cote d”Ivoire, but went to art school in Paris and Nice. His painting,
which is inspired by Baule textiles, is clearly influenced by his
maternal heritage. Like many Ivorian artists of his generation, he was
absorbed in finding a way to present his African culture in a modern
style. He painted exclusively in oils, using an elegant European
method of applying paint to canvas. His subject matterforms, however,
derived from was Baule textiles, blue indigo in color and with the
woven bands, decorated with gold-weight motifs, twisting and turning
in space. He also wove tapestries in the Gobelin technique, using
material he made himself out of tie- dyed barkcloth laboriously cut
and twisted into thread. Late in his career, he often painted on local
hand-woven cloth made of home-spun cotton thread. While determinedly
African, he felt strongly that he should be judged as part of world.

Susan Vogel, his wife, curated the exhibits at the Museum for African Arts and apparently founded the space. All fascinating stuff.

And to provoke comments, I proclaim this Lurker Monday Re-dux (because I missed yesterday).

Anyway, I'm back to work, mujeres. Peace & Safe travels over the holiday. Like you won't be in the Common Room or something now that you're not in the office(s).....

Single Ladies (Put Health Care On it)

I know. Corny.

Anyway, I love this blog so much I get it sent straight to my email so I don't miss anything. And a great post on health insurance for those single ladies who do not have any through their place of employment (such as myself). Check it out:

If you’re single and uninsured, the specter of a health crisis takes on an added dimension of anxiety. Not only might your very life be in danger, but your livelihood as well. And unless you have wealthy parents, siblings, or grown children who can bail you out of impending financial doom, it may take you the rest of your days to pay back that doctor you owe your life to.

When you’re an uninsured single, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of resignation and daily prayer or crossed fingers. It may not occur to you that just because your job doesn’t come with insurance doesn’t mean you have to go without. Here are six avenues to affordable insurance that you may want to investigate....

Obama Economic Team (Live Update)

Obama is giving a press conference Right Now. Watch it or Listen it if you can.

[ETA 12:17pm (I did say Live Update, no?): If you can't get online, check out the economic team bios here]

Thrift Store Shopping 101

It is a recession. Bad Black Girls are lugging TVs down flights of stairs, buying Macintosh apples and making their lunches at home.

So I was at the thrift store.

I thought I'd toss out some of my thrift store shopping rules. Feel free to add on--in fact, please add on. I could use advice myself.

1. Wear skinny Ts, heavy socks and stretch pants when you go so you can try stuff on. I am damn serious. Even if you are a skinny chick standard size woman, brands cut their clothes differently and you can't count on finding your favorite brand there. Yes I was in the aisle with my thick bootie shimmying into a pair of like-new Jones New York jeans that were only five dollars. And they look great on me.

2. Ignore sizes. Not only because brands cut their clothes differently but also because it is a thrift store which means the clothes have been worn, pressed, washed, stretched and pulled in ways that you won't find in a store. A medium might end up being a large and a small might be an extra-small. That's why I find it easier to try everything on first. I actually like thrift store jeans better for this reason--worn and beaten in jeans just stretch over my sumptuous hips better.

3. Watch for unfixables--big holes, messy tears, rips, missing buttons, yellow under arms, and grey collars. This is also why trying things on helps. I found a button down that looked great on the hanger and tried it on over my skinny T only to find that a middle button was missing. Holes in the crotch of pants are easily missed. Hems that are tattered can be missed too. Think of how you wear out your own clothing and peruse the clothes accordingly.

4. Weigh the fixables. Some holes can be stitched together. Buttons can be sewn on if they aren't designer. Some stains can be bleached out. I didn't try on a Kenneth Cole winter coat and ended up with a middle button hole that was so stretched the coat wouldn't stay closed (probably the reason it got sent to the thrift store in the first place). But the hole was just stretched--add a few stitches and the coat is like new. (The things people won't do to their own clothes...that is a quality coat even today)

5. Press yourself to be edgy in your style options. Again, you can't always come to the thrift store with what you immediately need (i.e. I need a white dress for a party tonight) because that may or may not be available. You can go if you in general know you need work clothes or fun clothes or summer clothes, etc. And you also can't always find--I have yet to find, but my fashion sense is mid-range--the clothes that are the fashion of the season. Because, duh, folks aren't throwing those clothes out (yet). But you can always find basics and old trends. Which means you can make your own style inspired by older trends but still classic enough to look good and unique. Black Lilly and Cornflake Girl can probably comment more on this. I tend towards more classic styles (button downs, jeans, plain shirts) to supplement fashiony stuff I get at department stores. But sometimes I also score with something kind of fashionista like. Either way, don't be afraid to push your own boundaries.

6. Devote time to the shopping. Thrift store isn't one stop shopping, get in and get out. You have to try things on, search for something that fits the style you are going for (or that you are willing to push your boundaries on) and that takes time. Clothes are generally organized by color OR by size. But even when they are, things are always out of order. You don't want to miss something by skipping over a section. I usually spend two to four hours in a thrift store. It is definitely something I have to work into my schedule.

7. Respect the staff and the patrons who really do NEED the thrift store. And be nice to them. Please don't go in there all yuppified (which is why wearing your try-it-on clothes also helps).

8. If you are buying electronics, which I don't, plug them in while you are in the store to test them out.

9. Wash or dry clean everything when you get home. Including the clothes you wore to try things on. I mean, the staff doesn't wear gloves to sort the clothes for no good reason.

That is all I can think of right now. My favorite so far is Unique Thrift Store in Chicago, north of Sheridan and Montrose. I've also hit Value City on University Blvd just past College Park, MD.

prediction of the economy.... 2 years ago

4 Reasons Why Clinton is a No-Go

From Black Lilly (who is at work).

The money quote:

Plus I have a better alternative: Appoint her to the next vacancy on the Supreme Court. Just think of the possibilities.

Indeed.

The TV Update

I have a new TV sitting in my entertainment center. I did take my old heavy as hell 27" TV down 3 flights of stairs. I did carry my brand new 32" LCD HDTV up three flights of stairs and set it up my self. How did I come to change my mind - new information. Here is some of the stuff old dude didn't say that would have made yesterday much easier for him and I.

• Your TV is old. (I bought my TV 11/25/2006. It was a slimfit HDTV with a standard tube. Basically, it looked pretty and had all the bells and whistles but it was old technology.)
• For what you paid for this one, you could get a pretty cool new TV with much better technology.
  
• The new TV would be much lighter than this one and it can fit in your car.
• In other words, let me upgrade you.
  

So how did I find out all this new information? I drove myself to Best Buy this morning to pick out a TV and setup a delivery. I stood in line and waited way too long to find out how much I paid for the TV. Apparently, their stores and online systems don't actually communicate. So when I found out I had approximately $500 to spend, I went to look at new TVs. The helpful sales guy shows me TVs that fit my entertainment center but they are closer to $600 or $700. He shows me the 27" TVs which fit the budget but they are kinda small. So I head back to the 32" TVs. I ask "how soon can you deliver this?" "A couple of days." I give him the look. He asks "well, do you need us to set this up for you?" "No, I know how to do that." "Well you can just take that home." "Will it fit in my car?" " Yeah."

I need a minute. I walk around. Check out the smaller TVs and come back to the one I want. I can pick it up. I can get it up the stairs. I head back to customer service hoping they'll let me walk out with this new TV and forget about the monster that I have at home. No Deal. They can pick up the old one/deliver the new one on Tuesday or I can bring the old one back and walk out with the shiny new one. I'm a little heated but I want that new TV. Today. So I come back home and make it happen because...

• my girl is coming over for a sleepover tonight and I don't wanna watch movies on my laptop.
• the 24 special will be on TV on Sunday.
• I'm pretty sure my new HD-DVR is full.
• I refuse to pay Comcast for another day without being able to watch my cable.
• I want to go to the gym and have breakfast with Kismet on Tuesday instead of waiting on my TV.
• my mama told me I don't need a man to do anything.

So I pushed, pulled, dragged, rotated and whatever else it took to get that TV down my 3 flights of stairs and into my car. By my damn self. I may have bruised a knee and stubbed a toe but I got the job done. Best Buy has their lemon back and I have a new TV, with a new 4-year warranty. I didn't need a man, yours or one of my own, to get it done.

Can I have your job? or Can I borrow your boyfriend?

So I came home last Monday and my TV wouldn't turn on. I arranged for repair that night with Best Buy thanks to my 4-year product service and replacement plan. Today was the earliest that someone could come out (well actually Tuesday but I wouldn't be here). So dude gets here, unplugs the TV and pushes the power button and the following conversation takes place:

Dude: How much did you pay for this TV?
Me: I dunno a couple hundred plus the warranty. Probably 5-6 hundred.
Dude: Do you want a new TV?
Me: Huh? Can you not fix it?
Dude: I can. I just don't like to.
Me: I waited 10 days for this?
Dude: Yeah, you needed me to come and give you these numbers.
Me: Um, yeah ok.
Dude: I mean, I can fix it. But are you attached to this TV? Is it your baby or something? I just give people new ones.
Me: It's a TV and it's cool when it works. So how soon can I get another one?
Dude: You can get it today.
Me: Do you have one in the car?
Dude: No, you can go to the store.
Me: This one was delivered. How long will that take?
Dude: Well, I dunno, you have to set that up in the store? They'll bring the new one and take this one.
Me: and if I went to the store they'd just give me a new one?
Dude: You would have to take this one in.
Me: Aw, hell naw.

For real? You don't like doing your job so you don't do it? I'm not mad about the new TV. That's why I paid for the plan but I expected the repair man to actually try to repair the TV. Can you imagine if your job was like this. I'm a counselor. For me, it would go something like this - "Do you want new life? I mean I could help you fix it/cope with it better but I don't feel like it. Want a new one? Ok. What kind of family would you like?" I also waited 10 days for the dude to spend 10 minutes here. He has a 4 hour block to complete the job. What the hell is he doing with the extra 3 hours and 50 minutes?

And then... Me carry a 27-inch TV down (and then back up) three flights of stairs? I think not. I probably can't even get it off my entertainment center without dropping it. This is why I need more male friends or to borrow a friend's boyfriend. But really who wants to carry a damn TV up and down the stairs and take a trip to Best Buy with me and wait for me to pick out a new TV etc. for free. (BTW - I'm not that nice to men. I don't care what you think is the best TV or what you would buy if you were me because this is my money/warranty/TV/entertainment center/life. So he would also have to agree to STFU.) When I bought the TV, the ex was still in the picture and we went shopping for TVs a couple of times. Even he was like I don't think we can get this in either of our cars (in the box), let alone carry it up the stairs. I was not about to chance scratching up or dropping anything that I just paid for so I went the delivery route. So, because I am single and have an average size car I have to wait even longer for my new TV...

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I'm just wondering why I routinely have the worst interactions with the very people who are supposed to be helpful:

So Monday night I went to the grocery store and bought some McIntosh apples. (Fujis usually do it for me, but in this economy even our apple choice suffers.) I wasn't watching the cashier, since I was trying to bag groceries in my nifty-environmentally-friendly-re-usable bags. Once I got home, however, I realized I'd paid nearly $9 for some apples. Mushy ones at that! After calling Customer Service, I asked should I bring my bag of apples, one apple, or anything to show proof of being overcharged and was informed that I need only bring my receipt to receive the difference of the overcharge.

Now comes Thursday when I actually remember to go get my money back. Upon arriving at the desk marked Services, which prominently displays signs for Money Orders, lottery tickets, and bonus card, but nothing related to Customer Service, I waited while 3 women politely ignored my presence until I asked if I was at the Customer Service desk. When I was finally helped, I handed over my receipt, relaying my overcharge discovery and the phone call. (remember? where I was told I only needed my receipt?) And what was the response? "Well... I don't really know what you got since you didn't bring the apples or anything back, but I'll go ahead and give it to you." Foreal?! Did you not hear me? Why did the other chick tell me all I needed was a receipt? And if you're gonna give me the money back, why say anything in the first place, heifer?!

The story ends well for me and my pocketbook though since I got back the whole $9 rather than just the difference in cost.

Morale of the story: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Walk it out Fosse...

This needs no words....

A Response to Lurker Monday...

I posted the thoughts below in response to this blog post.

I have been trying wrap my brain around this for the last week. I want to defend black and Latino people when the media blames them for passing Prop 8 but I also want to scream "How could you? How do you not see this as an issue of human rights that is inextricably bound to your own rights?" But my anger and frustration won't change the homophobia and heterosexism that exists in all communities. So I have to ask, how do we begin the conversations that spark the brain and touch the heart? How do we fight the racism in LGBT communities and homophobia in minority communities? How do we teach our children not to even start drawing those lines of division? I read somewhere that people in the No on 8 campaign were told not to go to polling places in churches and schools. How then does the message get to those places that are so critical in shaping people's minds and hearts? What is the next step to stop this from happening in more states? While I understand that legal measures are needed at this time to protect and grant people the rights that they deserve, I know that real change can only be realized when people's minds and hearts have been touched and changed. I'm taking this as a reminder that there is work to be done and tough conversations to be had around the dinner table, in the office and yes, in the classroom. If I make it to church anytime soon, the conversation will be had there too.

"We live in an age in which silence is not only criminal but suicidal...for if they take you in the morning, they will be coming for us that night."
--James Baldwin

In my book club meeting this weekend, we started talking about how people tend to not see outside of their immediate world. My thoughts jumped to this topic but the conversation changed before I could get my thoughts together. So I'm sharing them here.

So I still can't get my thoughts together enough to write in paragraph form so here are some bullet points.

• It's easy for people to think that everyone thinks like they do unless their beliefs are challenged. It recently just hit me that everyone in my extended circle, probably including some bbgs, does not feel the same way I do about this issue. It's pretty easy to not see the connection between yourself and others.
  
• People need to expand their view beyond the token _______. Have you ever been around when someone says something like "well, you/she/he/they aren't really black/white/gay straight/_______" because they don't fit the box that person has in their mind? I think people need to learn to expand their boxes instead of trying to fit people into them. I wrote that this happens through challenging and conversation, but really how do people come to change their minds about these things? When did /what would it take for you to change your mind about a certain group or type of people?
  
• After commenting at t's spot, I'm wondering should everyday people be allowed to legislate stuff like this? On topics like this, does it really take law to change people's minds and hearts? Think Brown v Board. What would have happened if there was a move to change the Constitution rather than allow school integration? Would November 4, 2008 have been possible if the law didn't legislate civil rights? Would people have eventually decided to do right by black people?
• Should a Constitution ever be used to take away rights from people?
• Did anyone notice that the President-Elect does not support same-sex marriage? (I know it's too soon to start criticizing, so I'll tread lightly.) I watched his speech at the DNC at an ...and marriage for all event. When he mentioned something about all couples being able to see their loved ones in the hospital, the crowd erupted in cheers. I was thinking "did they hear him say he supported same-sex marriage, because I didn't." The VP-Elect explicitly stated in the VP debate that the ticket did not support same-sex marriage. So I'm wondering how they got a pass but the average black and Latino voter was supposed to take a stand for human rights. Reporters were acting suprised that people could vote for Obama and Prop 8. Really?

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this controversial issue. Until then, let's discuss...

How the President Elect erased the ism ??? ...

This week alone... (As in Monday and Tuesday)....

1. Two unwelcomed individuals approached me... One while I made my lunch... the other while I filled my water bottle... Both individuals made the EXACT same statement... "Obama winning is awesome. This just proves that racism doesn't exist."*

2. Today a vendor stated, " This means that Black people are no longer minorities. Its a beautiful thing." *

3. Jcrew now loves the image of a black woman and has suddenly found a new commitment to being culturally diverse in the ad campaigns...

My internal questions/thoughts in response to these statements....

1. DO I HAVE SOMETHING WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS COME TALK TO ME ABOUT RACISM NOT EXISTING? Cause last I checked... when I want to talk about how racism "no longer exists" I doubt its going to be with the stranger who still cant figure out which to say first... black or AA...

2. Oh how sweet..... Cough...

3. Funny how that works... With all the data I receive I thought Black people only bought Rocawear and Baby Phat..... too bad Tommy Hilfiger didn't realize that people of color wearing your clothes can be a good thing... I guess this means jcrew may have to change its brand positioning statement....

*Please note that all quotes are exact. Upon hearing each of these statements I wrote them down... IN FRONT of the person... stating that I wanted to make sure that I never forgot those inspiring words....

Lurker Monday: Staceyann Chin, "A Question of Impeacment"

Video speaks for itself. What say you on the matter of Prop 8? (And I want to hear from some of the lurkers. Maybe this can be Lurker Monday. In fact, make it so! Lurker Monday, here we go!)



H/T: Diary of an Anxious Black Woman

Second Thoughts on Singledom?

Yesterday, I went to lunch with some girls that I went to high school with. Two of them recently got engaged. We discussed the engagement stories, wedding plans, the costs, insuring rings and any number of things relationship/engagement/wedding related. I was excited for them and also just a little curious about everything that goes into this special day. For a moment, I also started to have second thoughts about my contentment with singledom and wonder what my wedding day would be like.

Also, on the way to the restaurant my friend told me about her mother's reaction to a major decision she made about her relationship. She then asked if my mom would react the same way. Initially, I said "no she wouldn't" but after a couple of seconds I realized I had no idea how she would react. I haven't been in a relationship since spring 2001 and however I thought my mom would react at that time is probably completely different because my life circumstances are completely different. For a second, I wanted to know what it would be like to have to make a major relationship decision, how I'd tell the fam and friends, and how they would react.

Last night, walking to the car from the club in the hottest pair of boots I've ever owned, (When I showed my girls the boots, the reaction was "you could have sex in those" " I saw the perfect lingerie to match those boots." My reaction was "have sex with who?" Yet, another one of those moments...) all I really wanted was a nice foot massage. For as long as it took me to get to my car, I wanted someone at home waiting for me to rub my feet and cuddle with me.

So to all those partner-free* ladies, when do you wish, if only for a second, that you had a significant other in your life? For those of you who are in relationships, when do you wish you were partner-free?

*single

Deal Breaker

i knew my boy BO was able to endure in difficult times, sacrifice for his country, but damn, give a brother a break!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/16/us/politics/16blackberry.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

i dunno about ya'll, but if david (axelrod) came at me with this mess, ya girl woulda thrown "2" and exited left stage...total deal breaker.

love,

a crackberry addict

2.5 mill ain't worth his soul...

real quick post while reading my headlines...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/11/14/klan.sued.verdict/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

What is Your Theme Song?

Not too long ago, Diva Feminist and I were discussing what her theme song would be if her life was a reality TV show. Which got me thinking--what would mine be?



I wasn't sure about this song until I heard the last line:

Just enjoy the show (I want my money back! I want my money back! I want my money back!)/Just enjoy the show

Pretty much sums it up right there.

If your life was a reality TV show, what would your theme song be?


----------------
Now playing: Lenka - The Show
via FoxyTunes

Hair Issues...

So thanks to lemmie, I've been sitting on my couch searching the web for about an hour looking for cute natural hair cuts. There are none. I have found absolutely nothing. What's the deal with that? Do people with natural hair (not locs) actually cut their hair into a style or do we cling to something that can be pulled back with a headband?

To further complicate matters, I have several patches of straight hair. I had my hair trimmed and straightened by the fire-breathing blow dryers of the Egyptian hair salons and one side of my head has not returned to normal. It looks rather lopsided and strange. I thought it would eventually revert to its curly state but it's been two months. So I'm thinking "what if I cut it off?" That would leave me with about two inches of new growth - not a fun thought unless I could figure out a cute style. Maybe something asymmetrical like this...

preserving the curly side and getting rid of the straight chunks. What do you think it would look like curly, with a splash of color? What are the pros and cons of such a look?

I probably don't have the guts to do it. I love my hair but I do want a new look that doesn't involve straight patches.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Ideas? Opinions?

inspired by this week's late night chat room convo...

http://www.mrs-o.org/

enjoy, my fashionistas and fellow Obama followers.

Welcome to the Common Room

Enjoy the contortions.

Like a steel trap...

Due to my last post and comments, there has been some surprise about the my amazing memory.

All I can say, is that I remember EVERYTHING. Some things precisely, some things vaguely. But one way or another... I remember.

This by the way, makes me the worst person to ever have and "incident" with. It's like I have a pocket stenographer in my brain...please believe it.

Seriously though, I'm kinda like an X-men. LMAO.

I don't know why I have this power...all I know is that God wants me to use it for good and not for evil.

maybe its because writers have to stay attuned to details...

or maybe it's to save the world....

or it could just be for 60 years from now, when we have a reunion, at least ONE of us will still remember the stories from our glorious youth...

Only time will tell. =)

singledom

uh-oh...

...this MAY be an ongoing post, then again, i might get everything off my chest in this one post. we'll see. i was inspired by, what else? a facebook status.

so, the status read: "___ wonders if being single forever is a bad thing." my visceral reaction was "hell no!" i, unlike some (contributors, readers) am very comfortable being single. maybe too much so.

i think it's a sign when a co-worker (and not bff/co-worker; work spouse...just regular ol' co-worker) gives you a book about being "singled out" and how to live happily ever after. damn. it's like THAT? i'm that totally, obviously destined to be single? until ''ever after?" your professor who wrote the book gave out copies, and i was one of the first people who came to your mind upon receiving it?...ok...i guess...

truth is, right now, i am very comfortable in my singledom. comfortable needs to be qualified. so i'll say this, my level of comfort ranges from day to day. Let's use a likert scale to rate singledom comfort level 1= "where is my prince charming?" to 10= "what the F*ck are you looking at?!" most days, like today= ~6.


ok, so i've made up my mind. this is an on-going post. (duh).

Ode to Peer Pressure

OKAY I'M POSTING!!!!

lol

The things I do for you!!!!

I can say though, that I count myself very blessed to have friends in my life who have only pressured me to good things...(for the most part. Kis, our bauhaus outfits were borderline freshman year... I blame you for that! =p)

Oh and Mardi Gras.... who the hell dragged me to Mardi Gras?! LEM? Was that you or Jay???

And Lem, I'm pretty sure I smoked my first clove with you on the patio of SAE, and you got mad at me because I tried to light the wrong end!

okay but other than that, you guys never got me into anything bad....

There was the time that I blew off a paper to go on a float trip down the Merrimac with Robynn and Mindy, and had to pull an all nighter with sunburn, mosquito bites, and the worlds worst hangover.

But other than that, nothing really bad....

Except that one W.I.L.D. when we broke into the Womyn's Center so we could drink w/o getting rained on... or should I say "I" broke in, with a leg up from J and Celi....

Okay how about, you guys never got me into anything bad that we got busted for?! Yes that sounds about right....

For that I count myself very blessed. =)

Word of the Day: Impotent

Time for the Word of the Day! Use this sucker in a sentence, rhyme, paint a picture of it....::singing:: you can do whatever you like.....

impotent
adjective

1 the legal sanctions are impotent powerless, ineffective, ineffectual, inadequate, weak, feeble, useless, worthless, futile; literary impuissant. antonym powerful, effective.

2 natural forces that humans are impotent to control unable, incapable, powerless, helpless. antonym able.

Short but Sweet

I am Kismet.

The Kis is here.

She loves the bad black girls.

That is all. :)

----------------
Now playing: Janelle Monae - Sinceraly, Jane.
via FoxyTunes

...I bet you think this song was about you! you're soo vaiiinnnn...

okay, so i got carried away with the title line alone.

make it about you. do what YOU need to do. i would not in the midst of needing to figure out what you need for the relationship, make an effort to succumb to someone else's needs.

dunno if i ever told you this, but you remind me a lot of my sister in this regard. reading this post made me think of her. ...i digress...

so, when she said the same thing about me (our convos being about ME. i know, go figure), i gave her a minute to chill. in our case, she was a little upset. when we resumed talking (it wasn't long) i made a concerted effort to not focus on me as much. however, i could only do this because sis shared her feeling with me. be open. be honest. then pull back if you still feel the need to.

hope this helps.

You're so vain...

So, I've got a situation for y'all and I'd love everyone's input.

Without giving too much detail, I've recently stopped talking to friend because I was unhappy with the imbalance that I saw in the relationship.  I haven't had the conversation with them because I am still trying to put to words what I feel is going on (basically that the friendship revolves around her and her needs and when I need something it is not reciprocated) and what my role is in it.  In addition, I've had some family things going that have taken priority over my plans to communicate with her.  In meantime, she has contacted me telling me to call her back, asking if we can friends, telling me her travel schedule because she wants to see me, etc.  I have not responded to any of these attempts at contact.  Why?  Something about the IMs, text messages, voicemails etc. seems to be all about her.  There appears to be little concern about what is going on for me and why I possibly could have retreated from our friendship.  I also feel like I now have to defend my actions and feelings.  One of you ladies noted that I can be passive-aggressive and I agree.  Maybe that's what's going on here but maybe I also need time and space.  Is that too much ask?  Can I have time to sort things out and address them in my own time?  Can it not be about you but about me figuring out what it is that I need to do?  Can I have time to figure out how to address this and how not to let the pattern continue?  Can I not have contact with you if I so choose?  Can this not be about you for once?

Am I being passive?  Possibly, but the continued questioning is making me defensive and aggressive.  My roommates can tell you that when I'm not doing well, I retreat into my own space, trying not to impose upon anyone.  Trying to figure out what's wrong with me or talking about what you think is the problem is futile and often counterproductive.  Can I do this my own way and in my own time?  Or should I rush to your side to calm your fears in my time of confusion and discontent?  

Um...

So JMJ who told me my life would come to this apparently was right...long before i thought she would be. ugh.

now, she just needs to add herself as a contributor due to her status as one of THE baddest black girls i know!

this blog will be, as the description states, a way for all of the contributors (there are more fabulous women coming soon, i promise) to vent. about anything. forreal. there might be a lot of talk about situations, memories, experiences that having nothing to do with many readers. just enjoy. however, i have a feeling many of the posts will be on topics most people can relate to. (that is regardless of your lack of melanin, ovaries or badness.)

;)