uh-oh...
...this MAY be an ongoing post, then again, i might get everything off my chest in this one post. we'll see. i was inspired by, what else? a facebook status.
so, the status read: "___ wonders if being single forever is a bad thing." my visceral reaction was "hell no!" i, unlike some (contributors, readers) am very comfortable being single. maybe too much so.
i think it's a sign when a co-worker (and not bff/co-worker; work spouse...just regular ol' co-worker) gives you a book about being "singled out" and how to live happily ever after. damn. it's like THAT? i'm that totally, obviously destined to be single? until ''ever after?" your professor who wrote the book gave out copies, and i was one of the first people who came to your mind upon receiving it?...ok...i guess...
truth is, right now, i am very comfortable in my singledom. comfortable needs to be qualified. so i'll say this, my level of comfort ranges from day to day. Let's use a likert scale to rate singledom comfort level 1= "where is my prince charming?" to 10= "what the F*ck are you looking at?!" most days, like today= ~6.
ok, so i've made up my mind. this is an on-going post. (duh).
The Closet House
3 years ago
11 comments:
YES....wait. scratch that.
I just realized I may not count because I've been with Mr. for-ev-er.
But as someone anti-marriage and pro-independent womanhood--yay!
I mean, why DOES there have to be something "wrong" with being single?
this will definitely be an ongoing post...
I feel you on this one though. I've had difficulty picturing myself married since some point at wustl. Those "when I get married..." discussions seem so fake and forced to me. No doubt, I miss the comforts of a relationship sometimes. However, I enjoy my single life, especially when I see and hear dysfunctional relationships all around me. I crave peace more that companionship and I'm not quite sure I would be "functional" in a relationship right now. Hopefully, that will change but for now I'm enjoying being relationship/drama free.
celi-
i think we are spiritual/personality twins on this one. honestly, the thought of having someone "in my space" or having to change or compromise makes me a little nervous. i enjoy the "IF i get married" convos...it can be a fun escape. however, my fantasies (funny i see it as a fantasy) include details of me being as independent then as I am today (impossible).
now motherhood...that's me all day...
kis- you count, boo. ;)
love this. this whole blog and especially this post.
i don't even consent to the word "single," or "unattached." the words themselves implies that a person is somehow disconnected and incomplete if she is not part of a very particular pair...which is not the case at all. our lives are full of loving relationships and we are parts of all kinds of communities whether or not we're in one long-term romantic relationship or not.
i like to call it being in love with everyone at once.
good post and comments ladies.
i guess i have a different perspective, having been married. And though we chose to end it, I think being married can bring wonderful things. There's a real sense of power when two people are loving each other in a committed and selfless way and seek to make the other happy. Unfortunately, marriages/relationships like this seem hard to come by these days. But I'm still hopeful that one day I"ll get married again and have a family.
But, I'm definitely enjoying my single life and am in no rush to change. And I do agree that we (especially us women) need to get over the word 'single' and just BE. What shall BE will BE.
I have so many more thoughts on this...I'll blog it later.
i'm so feeling my singleness right now, but it does bother me a bit that i view partnership as a compromise of my freedoms. i don't think marriage is important to me, but i would like to move towards a place where i want to learn the balance of give and take that comes with committing yourself to someone for life.
love you ladies.
Yes! I count.
@lex --- hey!!!! :) I'm glad you stopped by to hang in the Common Room! And those are exactly the reasons I dislike the "I'm Single and I don't want to be alone" type of conversations I have with some people (clearly not anyone here in the common room). It's like--damn, what am I? Chopped liver? You don't have family? You don't have colleagues? I mean, maybe you don't, but usually these are women well connected to other women like their mothers, sisters, linesisters, etc. Which makes it MOST frustrating....
Why can't we value our woman-to-woman relationships as much as our (often illusory) woman-to-man relationships (and by "we" I am speak in terms of the heterosexist mainstream society, of course)
And sidenote: on the in-my-space-tip, I am kindred with Lem and Celi. I know I've been with Mr. for a grip, but sometimes I think that only works because he is waaaaaaayyyyy away all the time. For example. Right now he is visiting. And wants all this attention. And all I really want to do is sit in my office--by MYSELF--and be in front of my computer and tv and...ha ha, play in the Common Room with you all.
Grr.
So the idea of marriage I dislike for various political and personal reasons. But even long-term cohabitation....I'm really anxious about that. Like...it kinda gives me hives. No bull.
You mean I have to sleep in the bed with you. All the time? For the rest of our lives? Errr......
Tell Mr. I said hi.
@cornflake girl. like i said in the vineyard, i've been struggling with the balance between freedom and security in all things. blog post coming soon.
if people don't STOP changing their blogger identities...
...glad to get some new blood up in here!
anywho...
glad to know my inarticulate, not-well-thought-out post got so much attention...
@ lex...SOOO in love. with everyone. at once...
...my fam (biological); my other "fam" *shoutout*; my bbgs; my friends; lover (yes); etc.
so, so in love...with LIFE!
@ kis- i am sure it works as well as it does b/c of the distance. not to discredit the hardwork, love, mutual respect i am sure exists between you two. but distance helps... a lot. lol..."mr." hmm? me likey...
LOL.
That was not to have my business take center stage. Just saying that I really feel the need for space a "single" (since we already problematized this term) woman has. And artists/writers/intellectuals maybe more so even.
Just being your own self and your own geography is a pleasure. Especially when you have great woman-woman relationships and you know when you come out they will be right there for you :)
please allow me to have an identity crisis if i wish. at least i'm upfront about.
thanks.
carry on.
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