I recently had brunch with a friend who is a director of some sort at the UN. She focuses on developing international conferences that address HIV and AIDS in "third world" communities.
While we waited for the typical overly entitled NY waiter to refill our coffee mugs we began to discuss civil disputes, ethnic wars, and genocides in Africa. Our conversation was centered around three specific historical crisis: The Congo, The Rwandan genocide, and the ongoing crisis in Darfur.
Our conversation began first with the discussion of the disparity and gravity of the stories we had read about and heard re-told. After lamenting over the severity and complexity of these crisis, we began to speak about the stories we've heard where victims of horrible crimes were able to forgive their oppressers.
The stories about the victim who came face to face with the "monster" who raped them and their whole family.... BUT was still able to forgive...
The stories about the victim who met the soldier who killed her mother, her father and her children before her eyes.... BUT was still able to forgive...
The stories about the victim who interacted with the tyrant who killed his best friend, set fire to his village, and left him to seek refuge in a foreign community... BUT was still able to forgive...
I understand how its different...
I understand all of the reasons why we often don't forgive each other...
But when I think about how people across the world can find the ability, the compassion, and the LOVE to forgive someone who has done something that one could argue is unforgivable....
It makes me think that every once in a while... maybe I should re-evaluate my relationships...
my own grudges....
my own frustrations....
And figure out a way to forgive...
If someone can find a way to forgive someone who has tried to rip away everything they hold dear... I too should be able to forgive all the petty and simple things... the things that don't speak to my daily pursuit of happiness.
So... As I challenge myself to evaluate the situations I haven't let go of... the people who I refuse to forgive, the grudges I refuse to let go of... both small and big.... I would also like to challenge all of you to evaluate your relationships and ask yourself...
Is it truly impossible to forgive?
Or is it time for us all to take a moment...
And search for the ability to move forward and move on with compassion and love....
Much Love,
B.Lily
The Closet House
3 years ago
7 comments:
To truly forgive someone whole heartedly is difficult at times. One bible verse that has helped me is Matthew 6:14-15, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." I have incorporated this scripture into my life. It has helped me to let things go a lot easier. Life is way too short to be holding grudges. When you really let things go your heart feels lighter at least I think so.
Is it truly impossible to forgive?
YEP!
Or is it time for us all to take a moment...
And search for the ability to move forward and move on with compassion and love....
NOPE!
JOKING people, sooo joking.
i think it is absolutely possible to forgive. however, i see this process very similar to grief, ya know? it's all in due time. so, i may go through "denial" and feel sort of like, "eff, it, i'm done" and act as if nothing happened. then you get angry again; then upset; then the harsh feeling fade and one can evaluate the situation with an open mind which leads to forgiveness.
...or something like that. i really do think it's a matter of time.
one quick question, you're not equating forgiving with forgetting, are ya?
also, when the HAIL has Lil NOT forgiven someone? geez, is the world coming to an end?
I LOL'd at boogie's post so I thought I would respond.
Is it impossible to forgive? I feel like that's an individual question. I mean, it shouldn't be. But this is the real world....I dunno. It must have taken immense bravery for that woman to forgive her attackers, etc.
Forgiveness =/= Forgetting
Good advice that someone gave me was to remember that forgiving has nothing to do with whether the other person or people care that you forgave them. Forgiveness isn't retribution and it isn't a "now you know what you did" and it (presumably) doesn't depend on whether or not the other person or people tried to make things better. It is something you do for yourself. So it shouldn't be impossible especially since it is for your own survival.
Of course, I should be able to work out regularly for myself too. Doesn't mean I do.
Hmm... When I first read this I thought it was just what I needed to hear but it just didn't seem that simple. boogie and kismet said most of what I was thinking.
However, for me, I don't have that much trouble forgiving the one-time events, its the patterns of behaviors that trouble me. I'm not sure I can forgive and still see the patterns continue and if I remove myself from the situation and the person so I can live my best life, does that mean I haven't forgiven?
three of my favorite words in life - 'let it go'.
forgiveness is essential. especially forgiving yourself.
I see u Coop. I love how you basically sh*t on all of us (except Karlissa) in four lines. She might as well have just said "take that you selfish b*tches who ain't been through sh*t."
Not that she would say that. (Although her and BL are probably somewhere thinking it. I know BL is.)
The Common Room: Making Bad Black Girls Better Black Girls Every Day
coop, droppin' mad knowledge...well said.
@ kis, coop really did just shit on us and our eff'd up notions.
BWJW represent!!
although, i never learned that lesson...again, i kid. i learned it...after a long time. like may'04.
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