So yesterday a single friend of mine posted an article about marriage on her facebook page. The article itself was cool, but as can be expected, the comments quickly deteriorated into the typical "Good Black men are hard to find" and "Y'all Black women are too picky," Below is the screen grab of the convo. I have blotted out the names to protect the ignorant. Notice the post before mine...
So pretty much, my intention was to a) "give a brotha a chance and b) maybe get some free dinner! (can't blame me for trying) Next thing I know I get this message in my personal inbox from the guy who posted before me... we'll call him E.
WTF!!!!! I think to myself...well you fit neither of my criteria... then there's not reason for me to call you...so i go on to bed and living my life...until i get this message tonight...read on...
i
So now I'm a little offended... okay... more than that, I'm starting to get pissy...so this is my reply...
"Hate to answer a question with a question... and i will try not to be combative... but dude... you don't know me and you just stepped to me with some real BS. you told me you were in a relationship, then gave me your number, then sent me an email entitled "offer" when i did not respond. What exactly were you offering me, E--? a chance to be your jump off? a chance to get you out of a complicated situation? a chance to get myself caught up in all of the unnecessary drama that black men and women embattle each other in? a chance to be "that girl" that brings hurt into another woman's life? it clearly wasn't an offer just to trade ideas...we could have done that on the wall post without needing a private message or things being complicated, or you passing a "litmus" test.
I'm grateful you were honest and up front, many people aren't even that up front. but dang really? And what makes it even more hurtful is that i asked my girl what your deal was and she told me exactly how successful and intelligent you are. I would have been just as happy talking to you as an interesting, non-romantic interest. But you took it to this other level where you frankly had no reason or business taking it.
Why did i have to establish the boundary? why didn't you? Because you have a Y chromosome? THAT is what frustrates me. So i will let our interaction be the response to your inquiry. Yes, it is difficult..because for some reason even seemingly intelligent men make the assumption that i just MIGHT be willing to pass on my standards and convictions for a compliment, or a hug, or a dinner or a good lay... and when they find out that i am a woman of substance (education and looks notwithstanding) they move on to something a little less challenging...often lesser quality, but something that makes it easy to dabble and let go when they are done. because they were never really interested in the substance that i had to offer.
do me a favor though, don't move on to the next thing until you properly finish with what you have on your plate now. And you should look at what you have now...it very well may be worth being actually COMMITTED to.
no animosity intended, i just wish brothers (of all race) didn't approach situations this way, and i wish even more that sistahs (of all races) wouldn't fall prey to the fear of loneliness to let them get away with it."
After sending this message of course, he's all upset and is like..."Oh it wasn't even like that, you jumped to a conclusion, I gave you my number so we could have a non-romantic discussion about the topic that was posted. Plus, as an intelligent woman you should know that I could just be meeting people people to help some of the single guys that I know find good women out there!" blah blah blah....
I just wanted to check with yal... do i look that stupid? Or could someone really be out of touch of how this whole thing could appear of base? ::sigh:: N**** aint ish, man....
Inspiring Words
5 years ago
6 comments:
Well, well. I see that I'm not the only one that gets private messages on fb from dudes in committed relationships. If he were really being innocent about the entire thing, he would have posted that on your wall, or said that he had a girl on the discussion post.
What bothers me more is that guys in their late 20s are STILL trying to pretend that they just wanna be friends with women. At this point, we are attractive, educated, and doing our own thing. You don't want my friendship- you wanna wait for your chance to get-up.
He's whack. I agree with you 100%. I'm debating on if he was actually worth all your typing. He didn't get the lesson, and will prob do it again.
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!
[yes, i literally did that when I read your response]
Maven you could not have given this man a BETTER ANSWER as far as I am concerned. Dude! You hit EVERY SINGLE POINT! Thank GOD for you!
And His last message back was just nursing his wounds. Let it ride and hopefully he comes away with it in a day or two (or week, month year) with some food for thought.
*wipes a tear* My linesister and BBG bretheren...wow....
@ B & Kis....I love you guys. lol
you are right, he was nursing his wounds, and you are right that he will likely pull some mess like this agian elsewhere and may not have merited my typed response...but at least he can't say that no one ever called him on it!
yeah man...i was heated. this is stuff that makes me so cool on dating...is this the foolishness i'm supposed to HAVE to put up with to encounter a life partner... or decent male companionship. ugh. just ugh.
In my thickest Chicago accent: "Aw hell naw Joe"
lol lol lol lol lol. this is wack.
wait to break it down, maven. lol lol lol. i know this guy. in fact, i know twenty of him.
thanks for the absolute foolish comedic relief today. at this point, all i can do is laugh...to keep from crying.
ditto to errbody.
you said exactly what needed to be said, but MUCH more diplomatically than i could ever imagine having done so. given that i am trying REALLY hard to be "nice boogie," i might have given him your response and then the final one would have been, "ni**a please."
anywho...
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