- Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
- Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
- If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
- What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
- Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?
The Closet House
3 years ago
7 comments:
Ooooooohhhhh. Sounds real f--ing familiar.
* Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
YES. Always. Seriously, I do. And it has kept me out of trouble more times than I can say. I distinctly remember a little sit down Identity Crisis and Cornflake Girl and Mysterious Ms. T. Free which forced me to make a certain phone call to a certain big head boy that I would NEVER have made on my own. And now I'm in Atlanta.
* Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
Yeah--miserably coupled. There are couple of people I would never take advice from because they are consistently engaged in dysfunctional and/or abusive relationships. But my single friends usually have a better perspective on men (and share my independent outlook) than my married friends who, on the opposite have, often have a clearer view of the power of compromise (and I don't think any relationship outside of a married one is ready for the intensity of REAL compromise; argue if you wanna). So yes. But even if it is just taking bits of different advice and splicing it together--or going to some freinds to vent then taking my actions from advice of others--it all works out. Except the dysfunctional ones. *Sigh and I pray for them.
* If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
It would be a clue that I might need to reevaluate my relationship with my partner. Come on now. Chicks over dicks. Your girls--and for those with best friends who are dudes, your boys--know you best.
* What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
Abusive patterns.
Cheating....only if in the context of the same relationship she (or he) knows that I'm very, very faithful and taking the relationship much more seriously than the other person who is playing around. And if it is your friend they will definitely know that about you. And if I am married, hell yes. Tell me. At least so we can start workign things out, at most so I can fire his a$$.
Relationship roles...since I talk about that all the time both with my partner and my girls, then yeah. That is a good discussion topic. Especially if they see something I don't or want to point out my own hypocrisy--what else are friends for?
* Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?
Yes. And No Comment.
Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
Yep. They all come from different places, so the advice is all over the place and it helps me get a clearer picture.
Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
Not negatively. I'd rarely say oh she's single, so she can't give good advice on my relationship. But I can say oh, she's married, so the advice she gives me about "marriage" is, by default, much better advice than a single woman could give me.
If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
Hell yeah. I'd be sure to not talk to her about those things. And when we break up, I'll be sure to have her tell me about the bad stuff again. (Break-ups are rough).
What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
Keep your random questions to your damn self. Cheating, you BETTER tell me. Abusive patterns... tread lightly. As well as you know me, you don't know why I'm attracted to the abusive patterns I'm attracted to and that might just be where I am in life at that particular time. We can't all date perfectly healthy men all the time... How would we recognize/appreciate a good one except that we've had our fair share of bad.
Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?
Several times, but not recently. Don't care to share.
Damn, 8 straight minutes of procrastination. these relationship questions are the devil!
No but seriously though. Why did my post take me half an hour?
PRO-CRAS-TI-NA-TOR.
Say it three times. Just for good measure.
@ Kis. Interesting comment on compromise. I think a lot of women who are determined to get married compromise to make that happen - some as early as day one. I know there are instances in which we must compromise but I don't want to wake up next to my comprise every morning for the rest of my life.
@T. I'm with you on the abusive patterns. It's hard for me not to see them in other people with all this damn training but I know I'm still blind to some of my own issues. Now I'm at a point where I tell people (who ask for advice) "that sucks, you deserve better etc. but you won't be done until YOU'RE done."
* Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice? Yes, but that doesn't always mean I apply it. Actually, my closest friends don't directly GIVE me relationship advice, just get it from my own observations of their relationships.
* Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice? Depends on the situation. A happily coupled friend can give me advice on how to be happy because she has experience, but maybe so could a miserably coupled friend based on the choices that COULD have made her happy. So it depends.
* If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship? It would cause to me consider WHY she doesn't like him and evaluate how viable her dislike is.
* What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? Any questionable behavior. Like if she saw him on the street and he pretended like he didn't see her. Or if she noticed him step outside to make a phone call where he appeared to be arguing or begging and pleading with the person on the other line.
* Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation? I can't say that it has. I mean I have said some things to a friend that were brutally honest, things that a person might not have wanted to hear and very well may not have agreed with, but it wasn't a friendship killer or anything.
I love the advice from my friends, and although I know it seems that I may not be listening, eventually what they say is taken to heart. My girls never let me down.
As for me, I try to keep relationship advice to a minimum. I'm not talking a BFF. I mean girls that you are just cool with- I've learned to MYOB.
I've also learned that most women already know what their man is up to, and you telling them is upsetting because now they know that we know their man is a dog... and that can lead to complications.
* Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
ALL THE TIME. however, it has been awhile since i've needed relationship advice, sigh. i may act like i am not taking it, but i am...i just need time to show my "2ness" and marinate on it.
* Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
abso-friggn-lutely. funny, i don't take my happily coupled friend's advice to heart nearly as much as i do the single ladies. i dunno, i tend to think of "happily coupled" people as too 'rainbows and butterflies.' i need someone who FEELS me. that said, married couples advice i totally listen to. as kis stated, they are like the experts on rough times, compromise, etc. (disclaimer, seemingly happily married friends).
* If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
honestly, it would probably change my relationship way more so than the friendship. i have yet to stabbed in the back by a friend in regards to relationship advice or think that someone "wanted my man." i don't roll with folk like that...
* What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
all of the above. ya'll KNOW my ass is a 2, dammit! imma keep it real. i have worked on the bluntness and couth behind my realness. however, wrong is wrong. i NEED for my girls to tell me the same. real talk.
several of you commented specifically on "abusive patterns." if nothing else, PLS tell me f you see those. i can't imagine not telling my homegirl if i think she is compromising her self-worth to that extent.
* Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?
*duh*
couple of final notes: i don't use the word "friend" lightly. so, in all of these circumstances, i feel like if i am engaging in these convos with you, we're damn tight. (read, i should be able to tell you this stuff without it impacting us forever). The second thing is we're grown! i further feel as if the conversations should change in our late 20s. we are at a point where we ain't got time to waste; this isht is CRUCIAL! i don't want you letting me waste my time on some loser and i am NOT going to let you do it either.
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