They're Just Not That Into US

Here's some food for thought while I'm stuck in traffic, ladies.

Spotting the Stereotypes: He’s Just Not That Into You

He's not that into you, Sista

I'm interested in reading your perspectives on these types of movies. I felt the same way about SATC, the movie. I'm going to see "he's just not that into you" with my book club ladies and I'm starting to have second thoughts. But it's not like I expected it to be any different than what it is.

He's just not that...

ok, so first let me start by saying that i am SHOCKED and appalled i (happily un-coupled) am writing about men. ugh...the thought of it makes my flesh crawl. anywho, on to the post...

so with our beloved other half does it always boil down to interest (as our friend Greg has made millions from telling us)? You know, for a good bit, i prescribed to school of thought. now, i am not so sure. eff with me for a sec while we have a 'rita and smoke a clove...

here are some of my revised feelings on the matter...

1. he's just not that well-versed in "courting." yes, i took it back to the old-school, country lingo. but real talk, how many men have you encountered in the past week, month, year, 5 years who really know how to come to a woman? really? some of us have been in relationships for a long time (when courting wasn't as important to us), some of us are just beginning a relationship and for the rest of us it's been so long...
regardless of how long it's been, did the last guy you were with really give you the treatment during the courting phase you were entitled to? i know most dudes step to us as if we wear collars, communicate through calls of the wild, etc. Men (younger men) don't know how to gain (or keep) a grown woman's attention. i dunno about the rest of ya'll, but i am soo in grown woman territory. you can't come at me like you did when i was living part-time in Gregg Hall. nope. sorry, bruh. (i think b. enchanted posted on this topic a few weeks ago.)

2. he's just got too many options. ok. stop. this is not the same as "just not that interested in you." why not? well, b/c i think we all know men can be interested in multiple women. granted, i am speaking from the perspective of someone not currently looking for a full-time boo. therefore, i am much more open and honest about the fact that men may have multiple options (and pursue them). so a man may not be interested to the point of wanting to have ONE, FULL-TIME boo; but he may still be interested. i'm okay with that. however, what is not okay is to act interested, even mildly, if you know you are not.

so that's all for now. simple, but lends itself to other options outside of interest. however, the argument could still stand that "interest" supersedes all of the above. thoughts?

The Gangsta (And More Kismet Two-Ness)

The Gangsta: Melissa Harris-Lacewell and Patricia Williams spoke to Bill Moyers here. (H/T goes to JJP, I think; I got lost in my blog reader again:)



You who know me know I LOVE Melissa Harris-Lacewell. She is not quite an idol for me or a hero--too young, too accessible, too much damn fun!--but definitely a model I plan to follow as I try to reach my own goals.

Catch the video by following the link because there was no way to embed.

(Oh yeah, and Kismet Two-Ness: Is it just me or is Patricia Williams exuding a little bit of haterade in the Gangsta's direction? I feel like I read "this young whipper-snapper" all over her face every time she looked across the table! Come on, people, don't do that. Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya....)

Sometimes its the (big) little things!

One of the the things I love about this blog is that I can share pretty much anything with you all. Even if it's ridiculous... and this is ridiculous!!!

So i was returning my movies to my local grocery store redbox, when i decided to grab a few items for my lunch this week. I headed over the the produce section to browse the fruit. It was there I found these: The BIGGEST GRAPES I've ever seen....


Just to give you some perspective on how huge these things were, let's compare one to a quarter shall we?:


UNREAL!!!!

So if you like green grapes, it may be a good time to check out your local market, cuz the ones here are ABSURD!!!

I know this is completely random, but I had to share... (oh p.s. they taste amazing!!!! Lets just hope what ever steroids they pumped into these things is not a carcinogen!)

A BBG MADE A STATEMENT EARLIER THIS WEEK.... THAT I LOVED SO MUCH I JUST HAD TO POST... AND CAN I JUST SAY THAT I LOVE THIS COVER... I LOVE IT...






"I like that Michelle was doing the "Rainbow Coalition" thing (i say that but whatever) with her fashion. In this context, I have to admit to a touch of conservativism. She is black. Game over. Her kids rock cornrows. Game over. Her husband is leader of the free world and she is his partner and he is head over heels in love with her. And I'm done. Michelle represents just by being Michelle. How dare YOU...."

For the Maven...

Well, Since No One Wants to Call and Tell Me About Inauguration Day

I'll let Jay Smoothie the Cutie tell it.



Preach on Jay.

(Correction: I exempt T, who might be the Common Room's #1 fan, from said subject line. Thanks for hollerin at urchgurl, T!)

Blog for Choice Day 2009

So Bad Black Girls....

What say you on the issue of reproductive choice?

I imagine there are a range of opinions here and I won't even assume what they are.

Kismet, if you don't know what they are, why in the world did you bring this ish in our direction?

Because, compañeras, for me, Choice is literally that. The right to choose to do. The right to choose not to. The right to choose to have the Sex ::big smile:: and the right to Abstain. And the right to do all of that sans judgement.

So in this safe space, I welcome comments, critique, frustration, stories, healthy disssent, etc.

Can I Get Some BBG Inauguration Blogging, Please????

sheesh.

slackers.

Just when you think there's no reason to visit Saint Louis ...

Enjoy! Sorry about the McCafe Ads...couldn't delete 'em.

St. Louis Board of Alderman Poised to Approve Obama Boulevard

January 15, 2009 - Delmar Boulevard is expected to be renamed Barack Obama Boulevard. (Max Gersh/P-D)

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St. LOUIS -- Get ready to take a ride on Obama Boulevard.

Days before the presidential inauguration in Washington, St. Louis aldermen are
poised to designate one of the city's busiest streets in honor of the new
commander in chief.

Delmar Boulevard in St. Louis, from downtown to the Loop shopping district,
would be designated in honor of Barack Obama in a plan eligible for final
approval today.

Though some at City Hall initially called the honor premature, the move now
appears to have enough support to pass. Mayor Francis Slay's office has said
that, if it is approved, he will sign the bill into law.

"It's about our accomplishment as a country," said Alderman Kacie Starr
Triplett, an early Obama fan who led the street push. "The country united to
elect Barack Obama. That's worthy of a symbolic designation."

The label would be purely ceremonial. On maps and other official documents, the
street name would remain Delmar. Signs would be placed at six intersections
along the street noting its twin designation as Barack Obama Boulevard. The
portion of the street that extends west into St. Louis County would be
unaffected.

While several aldermen expressed reluctance about honoring Obama before he even
moves into the White House, only one alderman, Stephen Conway from the city's
Shaw neighborhood, vocally opposed the measure.

His gripe?

That, to his knowledge, the nation's first Catholic president, John F. Kennedy,
hasn't been given a similar honor.

"I am not aware of a JFK Boulevard here in the city of St. Louis," said Conway,
who also is Catholic.

Conway was also miffed at the selection of Delmar — a north-south boundary that
at times has represented racial division — to honor Obama.

"The people here in the city of St. Louis voted for change to get rid of that
mind-set that we must have this demarcation," Conway said at last week's board
meeting.

Conway's concerns, however, were swept away by calls not to let the debate over
an honorary street designation — one of the most common types of legislation
heard by aldermen — get consumed by racial politics.

In St. Louis, scores of notables have byways named after them: Cardinals icons
Stan Musial and Jack Buck have streets downtown, while lesser known pastors and
public servants have been recognized in their neighborhoods.

Nationwide, St. Louis would join at least one other city — the South Florida
community of Opa-locka — to name a street for the new president.

On Delmar, the push was greeted warmly by store owners, who welcomed the extra
recognition in tough economic times.

But Dennis Williams, who owns FiFi's, a "punk" clothing store, does have one
concern — that shoppers on "Obama Boulevard" won't get lost looking for his
address, which will officially remain on Delmar near Skinker Boulevard.

"I have no problem with it," Williams said Thursday, "as long as people can
find me."

jwagman@post-dispatch.com | 314-622-3580

Pop culture questions....

After listening to the radio over the past few months, I have at least 4 questions burning in my mind......


1. What IS a goon to a goblin? Is there historical or mythical context similar to vampires and lycans? what are the defining attributes of each? If I were in a fight who would I want on my team????

2. Are you SURE it aint trickin' if you got it? Is trickin' determined by means or intent?

3. Is there a legitimate and equitable comparison between a "Diva" and a "Hustla' "? Is the difference merely based on gender or sex? Are the two mutually exclusive?

4. Is the population of the world clearly delineated into 2 groups: performers and observers? Are there other parts of the artistic process not encapsulated in this division?


I know, I know, I may be the only person who talks back to their radio... but i really would enjoy your feedback...artists like Wayne, Luda, T.I., Beyonce' and Britney make statements and I am just not sure they hold up most of the time!

Comment at your leisure....

Pearl of a Girl...

With all of the ways to celebrate and memorialize the upcoming inauguration, I thought I would share this with all you classy ladies...

Now, yours truly will not be participating... I maybe bougie, but pearls aren't really my thang... unless they are Lanvin inspired...other than that it's a little prissy for my tastes....

But for all you pearl-wearin' sistahs... feel free to through on a strand or two!!!

We Collect Inspiration: Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot is Emily Hargroves Fisher Professor of Education at Harvard University. From the website:

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot is a sociologist who examines the culture of schools, the patterns and structures of classroom life, socialization within families and communities, and the relationships between culture and learning styles. She has pioneered portraiture, an approach to social science methodology that bridges the realms of aesthetics and empiricism. Lawrence-Lightfoot has written eight books, including I've Known Rivers, which explores the development of creativity and wisdom using the lens of "human archaeology," The Art and Science of Portraiture, which documents her pioneering approach to social science methodology, and, her most recent, The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Teachers Can Learn from Each Other. In 1984, Lawrence-Lightfoot was awarded the prestigious MacArthur prize fellowship, and in 1993, she was awarded Harvard's George Ledlie prize for research that makes the "most valuable contribution to science" and "the benefit of mankind." In March 1998, she was the recipient of the Emily Hargroves Fisher endowed chair at Harvard University, which, upon her retirement, will become the Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot endowed chair, making her the first African-American woman in Harvard's history to have an endowed professorship named in her honor. She also has an endowed professorship named in her honor at Swarthmore College. She enjoys long-distance swimming, tennis, dance, the theater and symphony, playing the piano, and traveling abroad.

She also wrote Balm in Gilead: Journey of a Healer which is her family history.

Why she's an inspiration (as if all the above was not enough): I watched Henry Louis Gates's African American Lives. I have a variety of issues with it, good and bad, but I was most impressed with Lawrence-Lightfoot's response is by far my favorite.

According to her "admixture map" (which is the result of a test of her ancestry by analyzing their DNA and physical features for evidence of ancestors from other continents and was conducted by Dr. Mark Shriver) she has 45% European, 55% African, and 0% Native American ancestry. Gates asks her whether this 45% will change how she feels about her family, her history:

"I care less about these figures than I do about ones sense of identification with a cultural group or a racial gorup. And what do we do with this heritage? What kind of imprint do we want to make on the world? And all of that for me comes from this sort of deep and abiding connection to African Americans."

Loves it.

What Does Your Hair Mean to You?

I've been thinking about doing the big chop again. A few sections of my hair are suffering from severe heat damage and just not cooperating but I'm also a little curious about what I would look like with really short hair. I went natural 7 years ago (not for any other reason than I liked the feel of my natural new growth better than my dried out relaxed ends) and I feel like I want to go through the process again. So what's keeping me from cutting it all off again? I don't know. I like my "big" hair and can't really imagine myself without it. But what's the big deal? It's just hair. It will grow back, right? So, I'm wondering...

What does your hair mean to you? Have changes to your hair symbolized other changes in your life? What did it take for you to go ahead and chop it all off, change the color, try a new style, etc?

I need inspiration.

You Know It Is a Recession When....

...your customer service is the sh*t.

From customer service hotlines to retail stores to restaurants to Starbucks, even the proletariat is afraid of losing his or her job.

Staying in Your Lane: Other People's Relationships

So b. and I were hanging out last week and the question came up, "what would you do if you knew your friend's partner was cheating on them?" We both said that it would depend because some women would either not believe you or choose to stay with their partner anyway, ruining the friendship. Sound familiar? This brought up a few questions that I have for you ladies:

• Do you listen to your friends' relationship advice?
• Does your friend's relationship status (single and bitter, happily single, happily coupled or miserably couple) change how you view their advice?
• If your friend repeatedly told you that she didn't like things about your relationship (based on things that you're telling her), would that change your friendship or your relationship?
• What types of things would you tell a friend and what would you want your friend to tell you? (i.e. cheating, abusive patterns, random questions they have about relationship roles, etc.)
• Has being a "good friend" ever backfired on you? What was the situation?

Happy Birthday to Me!

Identity Crisis started the birthday blog post tradition. I guess I'll continue it.

Things I am Thankful for this Last Year (as of 1/13/08):

1. Engaging in the blogosphere. I haven't been on Waiting 2 Speak in awhile, but between that and the four or five other blogs, social networking rings, my Twitter family, and the hyperbolic needle worthy Crackbook, I've managed to create a virtual space for myself. Which, in my alone-ness, made me feel less alone. First step to Kismet's health & wellness :)
   
2. Passing my prospectus defense. Like whoa. Then I am thankful for my advisor, the department secretary, and others who helped me hustle the doctoral candidacy paperwork through the system at the last minute. Your girl is a PRO-CRAS-TI-NA-TOR. Say it twice for good measure.
3. An AWESOME summer of foolishness (read: more procrastination). I became a Crisis Counselor and Hospital Advocate with the D.C. Race Crisis center, I ran around the DMV with Twin, I traveled to Chicago, New York, and Atlanta. And MV (before Black Lilly calls me out on it, yes, I 'fess up. I went to the Vineyard. That's why Black Lilly is a 2. And I'm a 5 4.5). I danced. And oh yeah...BRAZIL. Wow. Brazil. Salvador is love.
4. Getting my workout game and taking it seriously. I've managed to stay on task for the most part (3 days a week, 1/2 each day) and I'm proud of myself for that. It is the little things. Even when you fall off, the important thing is to get back on.
5. Serving as Goddess of Infrastructure at the Youth Education Alliance. Maybe the best work experience I've had yet.
6. My family in general. Because they deserve it. Especially my mom and my two little sisters. Having someone to take care of keeps me from dropping out of school (I'm so not lying).
   
7. My friends, linesisters, and activist sistren. For keeping my head on straight.
   
8. Mr.'s big head self. Because he makes me a better person.
9. Very cool new roommates to replace the very cool old roommate I had who moved on to bigger and better things. Kudos to her.
   

I didn't make it to ten but I'm sure there are all kinds of other things to be thankful for this last year.

Now what do I have to look forward to? I'll keep it to 8 by 28. For now. Maybe I'll add more.

1. Make it from 3 to a solid 5.5. Nah!
   
2. Have 4 out of 5 chapters of this dissertation done.
3. Travel to at least three more continents (Dubai anyone?)
   
4. Clear up all my debt and organize my student loan information. Because those bastards are coming to get me in another year and a half. And because if I had the savings and a better credit rating, I would be in the housing market right now; prices are deliciously low at the moment.
   
5. Present at 2 major conferences
6. Publish 1 article in a major journal
7. Begin researching how to start my history/research/workshop non-profit for high school students and undergraduates
8. Read a book a month for pleasure that is completely unrelated to my own research or the historical profession (for me, this is the equivalent of a non-work book; Junot Diaz is my January book)
9. Write in my journal a little bit every day.
   

9 is a freebie.

Happy Birthday to me. I'm blessed. I know I say that a lot, but I've got to remind myself every day because life gets hard. But as long as I've got the fam (fam = family + everyone else I love) then I know I'm good.

And Happy Founder's Day to my Maven. Best wishes my darling!

Happy Birthday!...

Kis & Delta Sigma Theta Sorrority, Inc

A very special shout-out to my homegirl kis and her LS, the maven.

work it out, boos!

*now i am late b/c of you heffas*

Five Immediate Things to Do About Oscar Grant

Five Immediate Things to Do About Oscar Grant
January 10, 2009 By: The Good Doctor Category: urban

(From Makani Themba-Nixon, director of The Praxis Project)

1. Digg the story so that the national media can pick up on it

2. Contact BART Director Carole Ward Allen and demand that 1) the officers involved be taken off duty without pay and charged and fully prosecuted; 2) there be an independent investigation of the shooting that includes a review of training and hiring practices; and 3) BART establish an independent residents’ review board for the police Call her at 510-464-6095 or email the BART Directors atBoardofDirectors@bart.gov

3. Call the BART police to complain about the officers’ conduct and demand immediate action: Internal Affairs: Sergeant David Chlebowski 510.464.7029,dchlebo@bart.gov; Chief of Police: Gary Gee 510.464.7022, ggee@bart.gov

Call them toll free at 877.679.7000 and press the last four digits of the phone number you wish to reach.

4. Talk it up on your blogs, networks and talk radio shows (call Michael Baisden 877-6BADBOY or Rev. Al, etc. to get this on the national radar)

5. Stay tuned for other actions, protests, etc., especially if you are in the Bay.

Reunion Roll Call

I just checked the reunion RSVP list and I see that boogie, Black Lily, La Bella and I have registered. What are the rest of you waiting on? The price increases from $50 to $65 on January 15th. So, get on it. I can't wait to see all of you.

Liberating Books

It is amazing how having to travel really simplifies the things you need in life.

That said, I always need books. Who wants to do a Global Bad Black Girl Book Exchange with me?

Reason: I can't carry all the books I want to read and the books that I do carry and finish I need to dispense with (paper is probably the heaviest thing we lug around with us)

So, I've just finished C. E. Murphy's Heart of Stone. I won't tell what I think of it, but I'll put it in a letter to whoever I send the book to. And maybe they could do the same?

First person to shoot their address to kismetfour@gmail.com with a book I'm dying to read gets the book. Now, just because you don't want Murphy doesn't mean you have to blow this off; I just bought Junot Diaz's The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, I'm totally floored by it, and I can't take it with me. That's the next exchangee (or exchanger?)

Come on BBGS! Hollatchurgurl! kismetfour@gmail.com!

Just when you think YOUR life is full of drama...

Just remember: NO matter how insane things get, at least you're not living in an R.Kelly classic video!!!

But ..."if the shoe fits, wear it, boy!"



Sparkle knew she was hood-rich though! Hoppin' out that broke down caddy with a full length fur!!!

Bouncing from D.C. to Chicago to Atlanta to New York to Atlanta leaves me very little time to play in the Common Room. :(

So I am checking in.

Hi!

And I've got food for thought. I had an interesting discussion with Diva Feminist & Black Lilly (separate convos) this weekend about nice vs. good. Are you a nice person? Are you a good person?

We decided that almost everyone we know are good people...but we aren't all nice.

Enter the Nice Meter.

On a scale of 1 (downright evil) to 10 (sweet as pie), how nice are you? And what is niceness to you?

(There was some debate about whether there should be a B.S. meter too...but that is for another post)

I'm putting myself at a 5.

::pregnant silence::



(Say something. I dare you.)

Guess Who's Bizzack?!

so, after a forced hiatus from ALL leisure web-related activity and most web-related activity altogether for the better part of a month...ya girl is soo happy to be back with her boos in the Common Room!

What's good chicas?!

1. LOOOOVE being in a "black city" no really... I was at my new employer's orientation session today and guess what I saw?
a)our people of the disapora running the isht! whoop, whoop!
b)sistah's with locks, head-wraps, afro-inspired dress and accessories
c)people of ALL backgrounds respecting the above's gangsta.

now for those of you who,(unlike myself) have had the privilege of being around our people for the past 5 years...good for you. i, for one, have been majorly deprived. soo, imma relish these moments of being in love with my peeps.

2. Stella needs a dad...or uncle or something in 2009. we think it will aid her transition into this new city. ya'll like how i use my baby as a scapegoat?

3. in general, very much looking forward to all the new opportunities in '09!

...i'm back!

Happy New Year!

LADIES! Where are you all?

I know everyone is busy working, traveling, spending time with family or moving but I miss you all in the Common Room.

The new year usually brings about various resolutions. I feel I may have already bitten off more than I can chew with the 28 by 28 so I don't have much room for more resolutions. So this year, I've made two very general resolutions:

1. To put more effort into my appearance.
   - Y'all know that I would live in jeans, a hoodie and fresh pair of Pumas or Adidas and for summer time a tank top and flip flops. However, this makes me look 17 and usually results in actual 17 year olds trying to approach me. As some of us have discussed, this is not acceptable.
2. To be more open to (and proactive about) meeting new people.
   - Y'all also know that I can be very closed off (or rude) to folks that I don't know. I'm usually cool with this as I love the few friends that I have. However, I'm finding that a few of them need to be replaced and I won't find fresh faces on my couch or my BFFs.
   

So, I'm wondering...

Have you made any resolutions? If so, what are they? If not, why not?

Let's challenge and push one another and, most importantly, support one another.

Let's make 2009, and every year afterward, The Year of the BadBlackGirls!